Terrifying: Bristol Palin will “probably run for office”

Tic. Tic. Tic...

Believe it or not, I actually agree with Sarah Palin about some things. For example, we both think that the media contributes to a climate of incivility in our political discourse. We both enjoy salmon. We both make our living by producing as many words as possible on short notice. And, most importantly, we both believe in American exceptionalism. The United States is the first country built around an idea rather than an ethnic group. As a corollary to that idea, we are one of the few nations without a hereditary aristocracy. That’s why I was extremely chagrined to see this article, in which Bristol Palin announces her intention to run for public office “somewhere down the road.” Props to the nameless Combat! reader* who sent me the link via Sarah Aswell.

As near as I can assemble it, here is the list of Bristol Palin’s qualifications for office:

1) She was briefly the governor’s daughter.

2) She did not get an abortion.

3) She was a runner-up on Dancing With the Stars, despite being neither a dancer nor a star.

Fortunately, dancing ability is not how we determine who gets to operate our various governments, or else we would have to hold a run-off between Bristol and the doll that one guy in Grand Central station straps to himself before doing the merengue for quarters. You know how else we don’t select our government? By bloodline. Despite the occasional Rockefeller or Kennedy, we do not believe in the expression of Divine Right through the breedings of our legislative class. This isn’t 13th-century Europe or, um, the 20th-century Philippines. This is America, dammit.

Or it was. In the last ten years, we’ve seen the first President who was the son of a previous President, the first significant candidate who was married to a previous President, and a smattering of congressmen’s kids elected to Congress. I submit that those are bad signs. The House of Representatives is not the Household of Representatives. Acts of Congress should not be determined by acts of congress. I could keep doing these, but instead I’ll leave you with this chilling quote from BP herself, regarding her mother’s suitability for the White House:

I think she would be a wonderful president, and I still think that she should run. She’s just so common-sense conservative, just, ‘Here’s what we’ve gotta do and this is how we’re gonna do it,’ and she brings a whole ‘nother aspect to politics because she’s a mom, because she runs a household, and I just think she’s really smart.

As anyone will tell you, the difficulties of the presidency are nothing compared to the challenges of running a household. “Anyone,” in this context, means “any smug idiot.” I learned it from watching you, dad.

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  1. “…we are one of the few nations without a hereditary aristocracy.”

    First, nope. Our aristocracy is wealth, and it’s hereditary. The only way to get it if you’re not born with it is a lot of opportunity, a lot of hard work, and a lot of luck; and those things come easiest to those born into them.

    Second, aside from myopia, a slow metabolism, and capital, the thing that’s arguably most hereditary in this country is profession. People love to work the same grind their parents do. It’s the banner of a life they know and understand. It’s what success looks like.

    It’s no surprise that the daughter of an underqualified politician would want to become an underqualified politician herself. If you’re pretty, funded by a cynical GOP war machine, and veritably unopposed, there’s very little effort required. And just look at all the perks!

  2. second President who was the son of a previous President (Adams) but otherwise, I couldn’t agree with you more. I’ve always thought Mrs. Clinton would be a pretty good President but it concerns me to have our first female president be the wife of a former president.

  3. “The House of Representatives is not the Household of Representatives. Acts of Congress should not be determined by acts of congress.”


  4. I do not know how this was possible, considering that I spent a substantial amount of time teaching American history in a professional capacity, but I had thought since childhood that John Quincy Adams was the cousin of John Adams. That period ended this afternoon. God knows what other completely erroneous facts I believe.

  5. Don’t you listen to Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, et al?

    “Erroneous facts” are the hottest trend.

    As Dubya used to say, they’re “truthy”.

  6. Calm down everyone. It’s not like she’ll run for her own office. She’ll run as Palin’s vice president. Sheesh.

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