COMBAT!

Oppositional culture for an occupied age

Missing cat

Blurry Cat

Something nice about living in a small town is that one person can make a difference. I like to put up flyers that say MISSING CAT over a blurry picture—just the outline of a cat running past a snowman or whatever. I like to get everyone out into the neighborhood, looking for cats. When someone calls the number on my MISSING CAT flyer, I don’t answer. I think about how many people have pets they love now because of me.

“Who was missing a cat, after all?” I say. But never into the phone—I only watch it ring.

Read the rest of this entry »

Ravalli judge: Casey Allen “managed to impregnate herself”

Ravalli County District Judge James Haynes will preside over Allen's endangerment trial.

Ravalli County District Judge James Haynes will preside over the trial of Casey Gloria Allen.

In August, Judge James Haynes denied a request for postponement in the trial of Casey Allen, the 21 year-old Ravalli County woman charged with felony endangerment after failing a drug test while pregnant. According to court transcripts reported by Keila Szpaller of the Missoulian, Haynes said Allen’s pregnancy was not the court’s responsibility. Quote:

I don’t know why I should have to scurry around, change my trial schedule. We have this woman who has managed to impregnate herself, plus she’s got these criminal charges. Her decision to have a child in the middle of this is her decision. It’s not society’s responsibility to take up the cause.

In keeping with his argument that Allen’s unborn child is not society’s responsibility, Haynes dismissed the child endangerment charge against her remained immune to irony. Brief discussion of where babies come from after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

Paul Ryan: Rage Against the Machine was never my favorite band

A possibly Photoshopped image of Rep. Paul Ryan

A possibly Photoshopped image of Rep. Paul Ryan

We all remember the highlight of the 2012 presidential election, when then-Republican nominee for vice president Paul Ryan told the New York Times that Rage Against the Machine was one of his favorite bands. It wasn’t quite irony, exactly. It was more like the twist in Terminator Salvation: with a rush of existential horror, we realized this guy thought he was a real person. But don’t you worry—he’s corrected that misapprehension in a new interview with the Times. Quote:

They were never my favorite band. I hate the lyrics, but I like the sound. Led Zeppelin has always been my favorite band. Again, these urban legends get going.

By “urban legends,” Ryan means things he told the most respected and carefully fact-checked newspaper in America. But he was never directly quoted, so he has some wiggle room. Uncomfortable writhing after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

Friday links! Owen who? edition

Owen Who

Tomorrow, my beloved Iowa Hawkeyes will play their annual rivalry game against unaccredited Iowa State University, whose record currently stands at 0-2. The Hawks did not look great in their first two outings, but they are 2-0 nonetheless. That discrepancy prompted the University of Iowa Campus Police Department to tweet a funny knock-knock joke at the ISU police, the punchline of which plays out in the image above.Screen Shot 2014-09-12 at 9.21.39 AM I don’t think anyone will disagree that the police of Iowa City are total dicks, but I’m with them on this one.* Today is Friday, and winners are winners regardless of how they got there. Won’t you elide the details with me?

Read the rest of this entry »

Daines demands debate before nation’s smallest TV audience

Convicted goblin Steve Daines hears the end of Hansel and Gretel.

Senate candidate and convicted goblin Steve Daines hears the end of Hansel and Gretel.

Last week, game replacement Amanda Curtis challenged Republican Steve Daines—who presently leads their US Senate race by 19 points—to more than a dozen debates before Election Day. The Daines campaign did not reply—or rather they did reply, but only to say that they could not possibly answer her challenge until Curtis responds to Daines’s invitation to debate in either Sidney or Glendive. Both of those towns have populations around 5,000. The good people at Nielson declared Glendive the smallest local television market in America back in 2010. During these last two months of the race for Senate, it kind of looks like Daines is trying to involve as few Montanans as possible. That’s the subject of my column in this week’s Missoula Independent, which is what you get today instead of a blog. We’ll be back tomorrow with Friday links.