Assuming good faith and Obama’s Fox problem

How could you question this man's journalistic integrity?

How could you question this man's journalistic integrity?

Let us not forget, for even one moment when we’ve just eaten a healthy breakfast and we’re sitting in a sunbeam or whatever, that the slogan of Fox News is “Fair and Balanced.” They host Michelle Malkin, who called Obama’s Nobel Prize an “act of global affirmative action;” they warned the nation that the President’s address to schoolchildren was an “indoctrination plan;” they covered Obama’s speech to the Congressional Black Caucus with this headline. And they’ve got this guy at right, who can be most charitably described as dressed in a brown shirt, plus Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, Karl Rove and a legion of other convicted vampires, all of whom insist that they are reporting the truth, as it really exists, fair and balanced. Obviously, they aren’t. Presumably they know that, and the Obama administration knows that they know that, which creates an interesting dynamic. Fox News gets to put reporters in the White House press room just like the Washington Post does. Robert Gibbs has to call on Griff Jenkins periodically, and respond to whatever insane [sugar] comes out of his wriggling [cake] hole, and the two of them have to smile and pretend that they are not actively trying to destroy each other at all times. Fox News has a higher ratings share than CNN and MSNBC; they call themselves a news organization, and the White House has to treat them like a news organization. To borrow a phrase from Wikipedia, the Obama administration has to Assume Good Faith—even though they know good faith is nowhere near being offered to them—and that creates an interesting problem.

Continue reading

Friday links: Any of us could win the Nobel Prize at any time edition

Like when the girl you've been dating for three months gives you a kitten

Like when the girl you've been dating for three months gives you a kitten

Let’s see, what’s in the news to…OH MY FUCKING GOD! WHAT THE FUCK? HOLY SHIT, THOSE ASSHOLES AT FOX ARE GOING TO SHIT PIGLETS! ASS! Excuse me. I was just a little surprised by the news that Barack Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize this morning, despite the fact that he is currently presiding over two wars and still has a vacation place in Guantanamo Bay. Granted, he inherited those things, and he’s certainly a profound improvement on the guy who put them together. But this is the last thing the President needs right now, and frankly not the first thing he deserves. Those of you who read Combat! regularly (and did not just get here by typing “joose sociopath” into Google, which a surprising number of people do) know that I’m a big fan of Obama’s agenda, but for the last nine months it has remained an agenda, often to a frustrating degree. That’s due in part to the particularly toxic political climate in which he’s been forced to operate, and the jacked-up federal government that he has to try to repair. Still, awarding him a Nobel Prize because he has “captured the world’s attention and given its people hope for a better future,” as the Prize Committee put it, is only going to feed allegations that he is more symbol than substance. Perhaps, as Lech Walesa speculated, the prize is “an encouragement to act.” Let’s hope it works or—better yet—Obama gets all the advantages of the Prize and none of its liabilities by refusing it. You can do that, you know.

Continue reading

Retail sales figures offer a little perspective on the recession

Sure, you might die, but that's a small price to pay for feeling briefly alive.

Sure, you might die, but that's a small price to pay for feeling briefly alive.

Just how bad is our continuing economic downturn? Depending on whom you ask, the recession is basically over, or it will continue for many months, or the American economy will become so vitiated that we will all be forced to subsist by selling naked pictures of Tila Tequila to our Mandarin overlords. It’s all a matter of perspective. If you’re a guy with slicked-back hair in JG Melon, chances are things are looking better for you, since the Dow is back to a rosy 9,825—a far cry from the bat[sugar] crazy heights of 2007, but still pretty good. For people who are not named Tad, little has improved since this time last year, as unemployment approaches ten percent and the job-loss rate increases. It’s a good old-fashioned jobless recovery, and once again the best way to make money in America is to do no work and produce nothing of value. So is it time to strap on your overalls, sterilize your harmonica and ride the rails in search of pie? When your grandpa talks about how bad the Depression was, can you call him a bitch? Economic misery is a competitive business, and if you’re like me, it’s not enough to know if things are Bad. You want to know if they are Historically Bad.

Continue reading

Corn syrup manufacturers expose global conspiracy against corn syrup

fat_kid

This picture of a fat kid demanding something comes courtesy of a Fox News story about obesity in America. Check out the lettering on the window advertisement in the upper left-hand corner. It's like they're inaccurate for sport, now.

Assuming that you get all your news directly from press releases, you’re probably already familiar with this story of the truth shining forth despite the best efforts of the sugar-industrial complex to cover it up. With the dead bodies of fat kids. “Today,” it reads, “the nonprofit Center for Consumer Freedom (CCF) launched a new million dollar ad campaign designed to put an end to the blatant inaccuracies surrounding the much-maligned ingredient: high fructose corn syrup.” Ah, yes, the Center for Consumer Freedom—so named because “People’s Center for Consumer Freedom,” “Glorious Center for Freedom and Truth” and “Southern Poverty Law Center” were already taken. Apparently so was “Corn Refiners Association,” because that’s who sponsored the press release. They’ve also created the website Sweetscam.com, which sheds some long-overdue light on the conspiracy to make people think that eating a bunch of high-fructose corn syrup will make you fat, when in fact “Some research demonstrates that lean people actually eat more sugar (and less fat) than obese people.” That’s one of the many myths debunked on Sweetscam.com’s Myths and Facts page, along with “sugary sweeteners are bad for your teeth” (in fact, “almost any food left on your teeth for too long will lead to tooth decay over time”) and “high-fructose corn syrup is actually high in fructose.” See, that’s actually sort of a private joke among high-fructose corn syrup’s friends, like the way you call an enormous black man “Tiny.”

Continue reading

The word of God, improved

Screen shot 2009-10-06 at 9.40.08 AM

Click on the image above to view this beautiful masterwork in its original, popup-captioned form. Those three smug dudes in a cluster on the right side? Mr. Hollywood, a college professor, and Satan. Only one of them has anything positive to say about your screenplay.

Spooky oil paintings you can buy over the internet aren’t the only place where Jesus holds up the Constitution. He also upholds it in real life, despite the relentless attacks of humanists, liberal woman reporters trying to interview the backs of pregnant ladies’ heads (bottom right-hand corner) and the Supreme Court. Sometimes,*Screen shot 2009-10-06 at 10.04.49 AM though, Jesus needs a little help. Fortunately, the good people at Conservapedia (“The Trustworthy Encylocpedia”) have undertaken a re-translation of the Bible that corrects the pervasive liberal bias of modern versions. Seriously, their stated goal is to make a new, more conservative Bible. I’m going to say this once instead of including it at the end of every paragraph of today’s post: I am not [fudging] with you.

Continue reading