Tip: Hiding your sexuality requires being quiet

By Dan Brooks in Public Discourse 1 Comment

This blurry, oddly-tilted photo of Eugene Delgaudio taken from his website, www.objectivecorrelativesformyviewpoint.com

Back when we naively regarded the TSA’s invasive pat-downs as news that was actually happening to us, plenty of people advanced plenty of arguments against: they violated our civil rights, they were more show than security, a computer would see our wieners, et cetera. But only one person had the guts to say what we were all thinking: Loudoun County supervisor Eugene Delgaudio. By “we all,” I mean “we who are deeply conflicted, latent homosexuals,” and by “what,” I mean that the TSA pat-downs are part of the ever-creeping “homosexual agenda.” Seriously. Props to Fletch Dogg for the link. Delgaudio’s next-level crazy quote is after the jump.

Continue reading

Combat! blog flies through air, faces deadlines, panics

By Dan Brooks in Uncategorized 3 Comments

When we woke up at 4:30 this morning, Combat! blog had a fun plan to write about Judson Phillips, head of Tea Party Nation, and how yesterday he called for the death of Wikileaks guy Julian Assange. Since then, though, everything has gone haywire, except for the economic system in whose participation I have enjoined myself to meet a ton of deadlines today, most of which remain unmet. We’ll be back tomorrow, extremely relieved. Until then, I dunno, think about your family or something.

Exhaustive TSA searches fail to uncover news

By Dan Brooks in Public Discourse 1 Comment

Arnold Schwarzenegger's skeleton—my god, he's just a man.

I don’t know about you, but when I lined up for air travel this Thanksgiving, I expected the Transportation Security Administration to use lasers to look at my penis. At least, I thought giddily as I watched an old man at Missoula International Airport attempt to use his library card as identification, I will get an invasive pat-down. Imagine my disappointment, then, when all I had to do was listen to an extremely passive-aggressive lady scold me about the size of my toothpaste tube.* I had been led to believe that this was a big deal. I was told there would be x-ray screens. I was under the impression that this stuff was news, and my disappointment—at least in an impersonal, we-are-all-disappointed-now way—is the subject of this insightful article in yesterday’s Times. Invasive pat-downs to Mike for the link.

Continue reading

Happy continued fundamental themes of Thanksgiving!

By Dan Brooks in Uncategorized 2 Comments

Things I did yesterday:

1) Ate Greek yogurt and blackberries, a donut, cheese and crackers, a fruit plate, a 20-pound turkey (helped,) green beans with shallots and bacon, cranberry walnut stuffing, mashed potatoes, saag paneer, apple pie, pecan pie and pumpkin pie.

2) Watched Harry Potter and the Baffling Series of Exposition Scenes Involving No Action and a Bunch of Characters You’ve Never Fucking Heard Of.

3) Ate ham.

4) Played Celebrity, the game that combines Password, charades, and everybody yelling as much as possible.

5) Decided to take yet another day off from actual Combat! blogging.

6) Sleep

Happy Thanksgiving!

By Dan Brooks in Uncategorized 2 Comments

Happy Thanksgiving, suckas! I plan to spend the day reenacting exactly the picture above, only with Los Angelenos instead of Indians and Aaron Galbraith instead of a hot church girl with pie. The important thing is that it will be exactly as the pilgrims intended: 65 degrees, twenty fusion dishes, somewhere in what used to Mexico. Frankly, I’m shocked to be still sober at this hour. While I correct that, how about you enjoy this astonishingly long Wheel of Fortune fail? I am thankful that Wheel of Fortune does not determine the leadership structures of our society. I’m also thankful that a bunch of people read my stupid blog every day, even though they should probably be spending time with their families. And all I have to repay you with is this:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BS4BkkMRGsY&feature=player_embedded