Combat! - Page 139 of 406 - A blog by Dan Brooks

Modern air travel is a confrontation with the absurd

By Dan Brooks in Existential Dilemmas December 23, 2014 5 Comments

The author, seated 18 inches from a chemical toilet for the second consecutive flight

Yesterday, I flew from Missoula to Des Moines on United Airlines. My ticket cost just over $1000. I have flown United for the past five Christmases, and they have stranded me overnight six times. I would fly some other airline, but United’s merger with Continental and Delta’s merger with Northwest/KLM means there are only two carriers serving that route, and United is usually cheaper. Their secret to keeping fares low is to take your money in advance and then do whatever.

Combat! blog flies through air, isn’t useful

By Dan Brooks in Uncategorized December 22, 2014 0 Comment

There is no Combat! blog today, as I make my annual sacrifice of time and dignity to the commercial airline industry. By the time you read this, I’ll be stranded in Denver. If historical trends are somehow interrupted, I meet even make it all the way to Des Moines. Either way, I’ll be blogging again tomorrow. In the meantime, how about you catch up on the continued adventures of Diamond Joe Biden? I’m pretty sure he’s the perfect comic hero. He may also be the president of United Airlines.

Friday links! War on kitsch edition

By Dan Brooks in Friday Links December 19, 2014 1 Comment

Nymphs and Satyr by William-Adolphe Bouguereau

Kitsch is like pornography: I know it when I see it, and it’s all over my grandma’s house. Along with irony and existentialism, kitsch is one of those concepts that is often mentioned and seldom understood. It is bad, but everybody likes it. It is ineffable but easily identified. “Kitsch causes two tears to flow in quick succession,” Kundera wrote. “The first tear says: How nice to see children running on the grass! The second tear says: How nice to be moved, together with all mankind, by children running on the grass!” Today is Friday, and the ideas that once invigorated us now ease us comfortably along with them toward death. Won’t you rejoice in the commonplace with me?

A Christmas care-hole

By Dan Brooks in Uncategorized December 18, 2014 0 Comment

A rendering of my old partner and me by Indy artist Pumpernickel Stewart

A rendering of my old business partner and me by Indy artist Pumpernickel Stewart

You there, boy! What day is it? Why, it’s Thursday day, Mr. Scrooge, and that normally means an Indy column by me. This week is the holiday issue, though, so you get a whole damn essay in which I report the unvarnished truth about ghosts, divorce and, of course, Fantasy for Adults Only. It’s a local pornography store. You can probably masturbate in there, but I digress. The point is that I wrote this humorous essay not based on any previously published work, and you should read it. Then you should read the rest of the Indy, which includes delightful work by Sarah Aswell and another holiday essay by Bob Wire. But if you don’t have time, just read what I wrote and lie about it later. That’s more the New Year’s spirit than the Christmas spirit, but I’ll allow it. We’ll be back tomorrow with Friday links.

Can we talk about this Simpsons gag from 20 years ago?

By Dan Brooks in Theory of Jokes December 17, 2014 46 Comments

The scene above is from the “Last Exit to Springfield” episode of The Simpsons, in which Homer becomes head of his union and negotiates a new contract with Mr. Burns on sheer strength of idiocy. Dorks will remember it as episode 9F15 of season four, which my college roommates and I remember as the Era of Big Pupils. This model style roughly coincides with Conan O’Brien’s tenure on the show and, probably not by coincidence, some of its most surreal gags. For example: On a tour of his mansion, Mr. Burns shows Homer a thousand monkeys typing on a thousand typewriters, who will soon produce “the greatest novel known to mankind.” He checks one monkey’s progress. “‘It was the best of times,” he reads, “it was the blurst of times?’ You stupid monkey!” That was your last chance to enjoy this joke, because I’d like to talk about why it’s so funny.