You there, boy! What day is it? Why, it’s Thursday day, Mr. Scrooge, and that normally means an Indy column by me. This week is the holiday issue, though, so you get a whole damn essay in which I report the unvarnished truth about ghosts, divorce and, of course, Fantasy for Adults Only. It’s a local pornography store. You can probably masturbate in there, but I digress. The point is that I wrote this humorous essay not based on any previously published work, and you should read it. Then you should read the rest of the Indy, which includes delightful work by Sarah Aswell and another holiday essay by Bob Wire. But if you don’t have time, just read what I wrote and lie about it later. That’s more the New Year’s spirit than the Christmas spirit, but I’ll allow it. We’ll be back tomorrow with Friday links.