The brothers of Delta Fresca Nu drink a bucket of rum to help the poor.

As you probably know, the University of Montana banned fraternities and sororities from holding events that involve alcohol last week. Evidently things got a little out of hand over homecoming weekend. In a stern letter to chapter heads, Caitlin Parker warned that “our community has lost track of our purpose as value-based organizations.” And the frats went dry.

It was bad news for me, since I just pledged to Delta Fresca Nu. As a man in his thirties, I thought my button-down persona would contrast with frat life in hilarious and interesting ways, like that movie, Crocodile Dundee. But it turned out to be tedious and embarrassing, like that movie Old School. All my frat brothers want to do is help sick kids, and now I have to do it sober.

You can read all about it in this week’s column for the Missoula Independent. I’d like to take a moment to thank my editor there, Skylar Browning, for letting me do stuff like this instead of telling me to go to hell, as the AP Style Manual instructs. He’s a good man, and thorough. We’ll be back tomorrow with Friday links.