A blog by Dan Brooks
It’s 5:18am at the Missoula airport, and the gentleman next to me served in Korea. It’s 4 degrees and, somehow, foggy, but it’s not as cold as it was in Korea. Soon I will be winging my way to Iowa, which is where a guy who also served in Korea was from, and Combat! blog will accomplish nothing. We’ll be back to tomorrow; in the meantime, I will ask absolutely no leading questions whatsoever re: Korea and, you know, eat a Cinnabon or something. God, I hate this.
Tea Party Nation leader Judson Phillips, speaking from what appears to be the party room of a Mexican restaurant
One of the best/worst parts of being a member of Tea Party Nation are the daily*
emails from founder Judson Phillips. Phillips is not a craftsmanlike writer, but he’s passionate. He’s not afraid to invoke Karl Marx, make broad statements about Muslims, or point out who and sometimes what hates America. But as a just-folks kind of guy, Phillips also lards his statements with the homey, personal touches of an Andy Rooney. Consider his reflection from last Sunday, which begins with this glimpse into his daily life: “When I was in Washington this past Friday, I walked by the United Methodist Building, next to the Russell Office Building. The sign in front of the United Methodist Building said, ‘Pass the DREAM Act.'” Three hundred words later, he arrives at this conclusion: “For the few remaining patriots in the Methodist church, know what that church supports and then you should abandon the church, much like the Methodist church as abandoned American values and patriotism.” Where he goes in between is pretty exciting, too.
And you say they get the movies over the telephone?
A few weeks ago, my friend got a letter from a law firm in Denton, TX saying that his IP address had been identified as participating in a torrent download of Bareley Legal 6, and he was now being sued in federal court. The firm apparently got his information from his internet service provider, which had provided the list of IPs in response to a subpoena. My friend does not a have a copy of Barely Legal 6 on his hard drive*
and connects to the internet via a shared wireless network, so it seems likely that someone else downloaded the file, if anyone did. The mechanics of proving that he violated Hustler’s copyright seemed impossibly complex, but so did the process of hiring a lawyer and going to federal court to defend himself against charges that he stole pornography. When he asked the law firm that sent him the letter for more information, their response only reiterated the seriousness of the charges and recommended that he settle immediately. And that’s how my friend found out that he was one of over 1,000 “John Doe” defendants named in the suit.
Here’s a fun question: do very ridiculous people feel things as deeply as the rest of us? It seems possible that the same power that enables a Sarah Palin, say, to wink and gosh-darn her way through American politics might limit her self-awareness in other, non-performative situations, too. Can we therefore assume that the lows are as strangely hollow as the highs? Follow-up question: can there be real tragedy in otherwise crass and insipid situations? Like when a Chuck E. Cheese catches on fire? Today’s link roundup looks for the tragically true in the professionally false, while maintaining our standard insistence on the laughable in the probably sad. It’s a paradox stew of contradictory emotions, plus Meghan McCain. Won’t you join me in mocking the tears of a clown?
The source of all Erzinger's suffering
About a month ago, we discussed Martin Joel Erzinger, the Solomon Smith Barney money manager who ran over a surgeon and then fled the scene—only to have his felony charges dropped by the Eagle County district attorney, who helpfully explained that he didn’t want to hurt Erzinger’s ability to make money. Those charges have since been re-filed, presumably as a result of massive outrage rays bombarding the Eagle County DA’s office and making the coke stick to the hookers. Recognizing that their client once again faces a PR disaster, Erzinger’s attorneys have constructed a new defense: his Mercedes was so new that its overpowering new Mercedes smell messed him up. Now to sit back and let the sympathy roll in.