Combat! - Page 231 of 406 - A blog by Dan Brooks

North Korea plans nuclear Pope, probably

By Dan Brooks in Hoaxes February 12, 2013 1 Comment

Pchowwwwwwwwwzzzt!

It cannot be a coincidence that two historically unusual events both occurred yesterday. First, the Pope retired—something that hasn’t happened in 600 years. Hours later, North Korea announced that it had completed a third underground nuclear test—something that hasn’t happened ever, and which only has two near precedents. These events are so rare that the odds of them both happening on the same day are nigh infinitesimal. There can only be one explanation: they are the same event. Irrefutable argument for North Korean supremacy after the jump.

Let Charles Blow tantalize you with the prospect of a GOP schism

By Dan Brooks in Tea Party February 11, 2013 0 Comment

Charles Blow and Karl Rove: both bald, both shadowy, essentially the same name. Coincidence?

On Friday, we mentioned Rep. Steve King’s (R-IA) bold refusal to cancel the Senate run he hasn’t announced yet just because Karl Rove wants to stop him. Obviously, no stopping will be done by Rove personally. Unless a cupcake is rolling into the storm drain, Rove prefers to work through organizations. His newest, the Conservative Victory Project, is a joint venture with the American Crossroads Super PAC designed to ensure that more electable candidates win Republican Senate primaries. To hear Charles Blow tell it, it’s also an anti Tea Party.

Friday links! Naked villainy edition

By Dan Brooks in Friday Links February 8, 2013 1 Comment

One of the most depressing features of the modern world is the difficulty in identifying villains. Awful scumbags are out there, obviously, but they tend to be “controversial” rather than openly evil. Deteriorating certainty in both morals and reportage has made any given villain debatable. Where once we might say with confidence that Glenn Beck was a fat liar who cried to get attention, now we can only disagree with him. Personally, I miss the old certainty. It may have cost us a few witches, but to definitively call other people villains is a satisfying atavism, like eating chicken with your hands. Today is Friday, and we still have a few unequivocal villains left. Won’t you point the finger with me?

The American public cannot get enough drones

By Dan Brooks in Existential Dilemmas February 7, 2013 4 Comments

The drone that captured our hearts or, if that was not possible, incinerated them with a missile

The drone that captured our hearts or, if that was not feasible, incinerated them with a missile

Despite our misgivings about using them to kill US citizens overseas, the American people love drones. It’s like the way we can hate Darius Rucker but still like acoustic guitars. An ABC-Washington Post poll from February of last year found that 83% of respondents approved the use of drone strikes against suspected terrorists overseas. Two thirds of them said they approved such strikes even when the alleged terrorists were American citizens. And why not? An unmanned drone comprises all of man’s deepest yearnings: to fly, to play video games, to kill people on the other side of the world without having to look them in the eye.

White paper explains justification for killing US citizens

By Dan Brooks in terror February 6, 2013 4 Comments

Anwar al-Awlaki, an American-born Al Qaeda operative, was killed by a drone strike in 2011.

Yesterday, NBC news released a white paper composed by White House lawyers explaining why it is okay to kill US citizens connected to Al Qaeda in foreign countries. You can read the full memo here, where you are at zero risk of forgetting who broke the story. According to the Times, this white paper describes another, more specific brief that I can only assume is even more tedious. The occasion for all this airtight legal ~~reasoning~~ rationalizing was the 2011 killing of Anwar Al-Awlaki, a US citizen and general douchebag in Yemen, in a drone strike that also incinerated his 16 year-old son. Apparently they were guilty.