Luis Lang of Charlotte, last seen going blind because he refused to buy insurance

Combat! blog’s journey into the binary worlds of criminal justice and reportage nears its end today, with closing arguments scheduled for 9am. While I await a verdict—a verdict for someone else, which I cannot emphasize enough—how about you catch up on your boy Luis Lang, who has embraced Obamacare and renounced his membership in the Republican Party. Props to Attempt for the link. You may remember the uninsured Lang from a couple of weeks ago, when he couldn’t afford an operation to keep from going blind and blamed Obamacare. Evidently, he’s researched the issue and determined that he was a Democrat all along. That’s good. Don’t get mad at him. He changed his mind, and all it took was the threat of permanent blindness. We’ll be back Monday, appreciating anew the luxury of working from home.

Lee Newspapers CEO Mary Junck in an image into which dicks must be Phoshopped immediately

Oh man, am I going to have a good feature for you guys next week. For now, though, I have to keep watching the wheels of justice, which turn in much the same way as a sundial. Reportage sucks, and I’m glad that other people are usually willing to do it for me. Their number recently decreased by two, though, thanks to the profiteering of Lee Enterprises. The media conglomerate that owns The Missoulian and four other western Montana newspapers has announced that it will close its state bureau. That means losing Chuck Johnson and Mike Dennison, two top-shelf Helena reporters with over 60 years of experience between them. It also means the company that owns my local newspaper does not consider it worthwhile to cover my state government—at least not with anybody working full-time. You can read all about it in this week’s column for the Missoula Independent. We need reporters, because I’ll be damned if I’m going to put on a shirt with buttons and talk to people every day.

Eagle Provisions on 5th Avenue in the South Slope

Combat! blog’s flirtation with reportage continues, and I’m about to spend another day in court. Yesterday’s jury selection was a thrilling glimpse of what 12 of your peers might look like. Fun fact: of 28 prospective jurors, only one had read Krakauer’s Missoula: my landlady. All of them raised their hands when asked if they had an opinion about the book, though. Also, one prospect opined that a woman might not resist a rape attempt because “nowadays, people lack courage, purity, and innocence.” She went on to add that she did not have a television or read the newspaper. She knows what people lack nowadays from church.

Anywhom, it was exciting, and today will probably be more so. While I observe the wheels of justice, how about you read this sad story Mose sent me about the closing of Eagle Provisions? In 2001, we lived a block away from Eagle in the South Slope, which seemed way too nice after Bushwick. It was the first time I felt like I had moved up in New York. Now, of course, I realize that I was the beginning of a 15-year wave of gentrification that would destroy the neighborhood, and I feel bad. Just kidding—gentrification is anyone who moved to the neighborhood after you. But I’m sure the present-day residents of the South Slope will be happy to have those luxury apartments instead of Polish sausage.