A blog by Dan Brooks
Here’s how the scale of human intelligence works: anyone dumber than me is an idiot. From your/you’re to minor driving mistakes to this guy, I can’t believe how stupid people are. Conversely, everyone even a little bit smarter than me must be some kind of genius. Can you imagine the sort of mind that knows something you don’t? Of course not. That’s the whole problem. Today is Friday, and the scope of ingenuity is less a spectrum than a binary. Won’t you fill in the ones and zeros with me?
The future
The more things change, the more they stay the same: a favorite among people whose concept of history is terrifyingly limited. As one such person, I can’t help but notice that a lot of old-timey things have been happening lately. We’re holding the Olympics in a country led by a charismatic strongman with a vexed human rights record. Rich people are more comparatively rich than they have been since the Gilded Age. And from Venezuela to Ukraine to Thailand, people are rioting in the streets re: democracy. Today is Friday, and the lamest aspects of the past are all set to kick in again. Won’t you stay the same with me?
Good one, dick!
Here’s a tip for you Kombat! Kids out there: you can be any kind of asshole so long as you are right and good. For example, I have a bunch of stuff I need to do today, but none of it matters because The New York Times Magazine published an essay I wrote. Monster, undying props to Willy for that one. It’s not that writing an essay is such a great achievement, or even an achievement I undertook today, but I feel like I’m off the hook for the rest of the morning. Today is Friday, and a smug sense of rectitude will compensate for any number of personal failings—from the rectified’s perspective, at least. Won’t you blithely transgress decency with me?
A fox and a magpie make out on the medieval internet.
There must have been some point when the internet was a reliable source. The first time someone was lied to over the internet—probably in 1979, when Al Gore had to enter each new email address manually—it was like getting lied to in a letter. Then there was a long time when finding a lie on the internet was approximately as scandalous as finding a lie in the newspaper. Your aunt still lives in this time. The rest of us now encounter falsehood on the internet as a feature of the medium. Today is Friday, and nothing you read on this screen is necessarily true. Won’t you make the classic blunder with me?
Ants!
It’s the little things in life that make a difference: microbes, for example, or an extra line of code in Target’s credit card security, or those ants that probably live in your DVD player. In art, too, as in nature/the DVD player, the nuances are often more important than the long lines. Today is Friday, and the difference between buttermilk and cream is no more than a few drops of lemon juice. Won’t you curdle with me?