On my ostensibly kind face

By Dan Brooks in Existential Dilemmas 2 Comments
Famous people I don't recognize get excited.

A drunk person makes everyone happy.

This morning I took my breakfast at the Press Box, as is my wont. I was talking to my server about her sister’s novel when a drunk man interrupted us, waving a beeper. He was wearing a Carhartt jacket and a human costume one size too large, which turned out to be his skin. He had the outgoing cheer of a person still up from the night before and the repetitive speech patterns of the more serious partier.

“Oh yeah?” he said, in response to the server’s claim that her sister lived in the Bay Area. “What’s this?” He waved the beeper closer. “What is this?”

“A beeper!” I said. “That’s amazing.”

It did not sound convincing to me, but he was fully convinced. He talked to me for a long time. He never felt like what he was doing was inappropriate, and when finally I rose to flee he thanked me for appraising his beeper and shook my hand.

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Carson campaign to fact-checkers: Google it

By Dan Brooks in Republican Candidates 1 Comment
Dr. Ben Carson describes an episode of the 1980s TV series The Incredible Hulk.

Dr. Ben Carson describes an episode of the 1980s TV series The Incredible Hulk.

In an interview with Wolf Blitzer last week, Ben Carson said that Mahmoud Abbas, Ali Khamenei, and Vladimir Putin all knew each other at Moscow’s Patrice Lumumba University in 1968. It seems unlikely that the president of Palestine, the supreme leader of Iran and the homecoming king of Russia would all become friends at communist college—serendipitous even. And, lo and behold, it didn’t really happen. At least it didn’t in that nitpicking, fact-checker sense that there’s no evidence for it. When Politifact asked the Carson campaign where they got their information, they responded:

Thanks for your inquiry. We are not in the habit of providing Googling support to the media. If there is a specific aspect of Dr. Carson’s statement that you wish to challenge, please let us know and we can go from there.

There’s a unicorn in my refrigerator. Prove me wrong, dicks.

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Friday links! Comedy versus reality edition

By Dan Brooks in Friday Links 0 Comment
What's the deal with reactionary populism?

What’s the deal with Mexicans?

In a parallel universe, “Donald Trump runs for president” is a pretty funny sketch. It could be the cold open on Friday Night Fun, perhaps with host Michael Richards as his exasperated opponent. Comedy Trump is supposed to talk politics, but he only speaks in vague, hyperbolic terms about what a great businessman he is, and everyone finds it hilariously absurd. It helps that we all understand critical thinking from our free liberal arts educations, courtesy of President Sanders. Today is Friday, and the line between our world and one invented to amuse better versions of ourselves is thin and permeable. Won’t you try to distinguish comedy from reality with me?

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Hard times at Delta Fresca

By Dan Brooks in Uncategorized 3 Comments
The brothers of Delta Fresca Nu drink a bucket of rum to help the poor.

The brothers of Delta Fresca Nu drink a bucket of rum to help the poor.

As you probably know, the University of Montana banned fraternities and sororities from holding events that involve alcohol last week. Evidently things got a little out of hand over homecoming weekend. In a stern letter to chapter heads, Caitlin Parker warned that “our community has lost track of our purpose as value-based organizations.” And the frats went dry.

It was bad news for me, since I just pledged to Delta Fresca Nu. As a man in his thirties, I thought my button-down persona would contrast with frat life in hilarious and interesting ways, like that movie, Crocodile Dundee. But it turned out to be tedious and embarrassing, like that movie Old School. All my frat brothers want to do is help sick kids, and now I have to do it sober.

You can read all about it in this week’s column for the Missoula Independent. I’d like to take a moment to thank my editor there, Skylar Browning, for letting me do stuff like this instead of telling me to go to hell, as the AP Style Manual instructs. He’s a good man, and thorough. We’ll be back tomorrow with Friday links.