Sweet vindication

By Dan Brooks in Uncategorized 2 Comments

El mono!

Last night I found out that I have probably had mono for the last two months, which is what I get for living as a cad. To paraphrase Wayne Campbell, I thought I was just really bored. It was a weirdly satisfying diagnosis, and not only because mono is the one where you don’t do anything. I was pleased to learn that the last several weeks of lingering illness and PoS syndrome were not just in my head—in fact, they were in my lymph nodes—and that my mysterious illness is something college students get and not, you know, Crohn’s Disease. Mono is bad news, but it’s specific news and I know what it means. I submit that the possibility of a problem is often worse than the actual problem, and knowing what hit you invariably softens the blow. On that note, here is an article that pretty well demonstrates the much talked-about growth in income inequality over the last twenty years. While certain parties warn us of the impending socialist welfare state, the USA has progressed toward a less even distribution of wealth at a more diligent rate than at almost any time in our history. And you thought we were just bored.

 

Department of False Friends: Pakistan

By Dan Brooks in terror 4 Comments

Dr. Shakil Afridi, with weird objects near his head

Remember when Pakistan was like, “Bro, we have no idea where Osama Bin Laden is. That guy’s a dick!” and then it turned out he was in Pakistani Arlington, Virginia? And remember when we shot him in the eye and dumped his body in the ocean, and Pakistan was like “that’s what we wanted to do! But it is absolutely unacceptable that you came into our house.” Far be it from me to criticize a military junta while it makes the delicate transition to theocracy, but I worry that Pakistan might not be our real friend. Evidence: This morning, a tribal court in Khyber convicted Shakil Afridi—the Pakistani doctor who helped the CIA locate Bin Laden—of high treason, sentencing him to 33 years in prison.

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Combat! blog is sick again

By Dan Brooks in Uncategorized 3 Comments

What’s green and sticky and lives in my throat and ears, breeding several times each hour? I don’t know either, but probably I need antibiotics. Combat! blog is sick again, with an illness that suspiciously resembles the brutal flu/throat combo I had in February, again in April, and pretty much anytime I miss a few hours of sleep. Is it some new super-illness that resists modern medicine and promises to return the specter of disease to American life? Probably not, but it does represent a new frontier in complaining. While I pity self, how about you read this article about what George Lucas did when his neighbors in Marin County tried to prevent him from building a new studio at Skywalker Ranch. Hint: it rhymes with “build low-income housing instead.” Take that, wealthy neighbors!

 

Cory Booker calls Obama ad “nauseating”

By Dan Brooks in Campaign Advertisements 4 Comments

Evil tie adjustor Mitt Romney in the "Romney Economics" ad

Last month, Cory Booker saved his neighbor from a burning building. That’s called political capital, and it enables you to do stuff like, say, criticize an attack ad from a presidential campaign you support. Booker described the “Romney Economics” ad, which paints Bain Capital as a “job-killing economic vampire”—thank you, CBS—as “nauseating.” He was particularly bothered by what he perceived as an attack on private equity:

It’s nauseating to the American public. Enough is enough. Stop attacking private equity. Stop attacking Jeremiah Wright. This stuff has got to stop, because what it does is it undermines, to me, what this country should be focused on. It’s a distraction from the real issues.

Before you accuse Cory Booker of a false equivalence, you should see the ad, which really does portray Bain as a mad job destroyer leaving a trail of broken pension funds across the midwest. It’s also six minutes long and about a steel mill closure, so check to see if Bruce Springsteen is standing behind you before you watch it. You don’t want to wind him up.

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Friday links! What you can get away with edition

By Dan Brooks in Friday Links 2 Comments

Don't let the pogo stick fool you—he is going to beat the living shit out of that burglar.

It is a known fact that our society has lower standards for public behavior than any America that has come before. It is also well known that we are a nation of scolds. How to reconcile these two truths? You can drill a hole in the ocean floor and dump thousands of gallons of crude oil into the Gulf of Mexico or claim to read all newspapers, and that’s cool, but take a picture of your wang and your career is over. It’s a balancing act, this American life of indulging every venal impulse while making sure never to leave yourself vulnerable to the judgment of 300 million other people doing same. Today is Friday, I have an absurd amount of work to do and a Blondie-style cocktail party to host when it’s over, and today’s link roundup is all about what you can do and what you can’t. I think you’ll be surprised by both. As usual around here, “surprised” means “grimly indignant.” Won’t you indignate with me?

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