Ted Cruz is the character Phil Hartman never got to play.

Donald Trump is shocked and disgusted at what happened to Ben Carson in Iowa. On Monday night, around the time the caucuses began, the Cruz campaign sent notes like this one to leaders in its ground operation:

Trump tweeted¹ this image around noon today. It could be a fake, but I want it to be real because it is wonderful. I sincerely hope Spencer Rogers is not the only Cruz staffer who signs his emails, “For Liberty.” What’s more delightful is that this misleading email is technically true. Carson did take time off from the campaign trail (to stop by his house on his way to New Hampshire.) He will make some kind of announcement next week (as he continues to campaign for president.) Cruz apologized for the misunderstanding just as soon as caucus night was over. But Trump is not going to let him treat Dr. Carson like that.

Here’s Trump valiantly standing up for the victims of dirty tricks, four minutes after he tweeted the image of the Cruz note:

The State of Iowa should disqualify Ted Cruz from the most recent election on the basis that he cheated- a total fraud!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 3, 2016

The message continued, “and first place in the caucus should be awarded to the candidate who got the second most votes, whoever that is. I’m sure he’s great,” but it got cut off by the 140-character limit.

Soon this phrase will become an acronym, but Trump’s argument is not sound. There’s no rule against telling people your opponent is not actually running. It’s an underhanded strategy, but it’s also fairly limited. That kind of claim is easily disproven. For example, caucusgoers who encountered it in Iowa Monday night could check with anyone not wearing a Cruz for President sticker.

But it’s still reprehensible for Cruz to tell people they can’t vote for another candidate, especially when it’s not on the basis of his citizenship. Even if it wasn’t intentional, the rumor unfairly hurt the Carson campaign, and Trump demands justice. Not by compensating Carson, though. Sadly, we cannot undo the damage. The only thing we can do here is seek justice by damaging Cruz, too. We must void the results of the Iowa caucus and shred his delegates in a combine. Or, if their families object, we could award them to Trump.

He’s just spitballing, here. Maybe you’d rather kill delegates or encourage people to play dirty tricks on doctors who just want to find their glasses. But he isn’t going to let this one slide. He demands justice for Ben Carson, in the form of victory in Iowa for Donald Trump.

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