Traditions that turned tragic in ways none of us could have predicted


The fire department’s Fourth of July team-building retreat in the woods far from town

Our Christmas game of startle-the-mule

At weddings, anyone who used to date the bride drinks free.

The annual sack race and simultaneous, unrelated roundup in which snakes are caught and placed in bags

Take Your Daughter to Someone Else’s Work Day

The final round of the Million-Dollar Target Shooting Challenge for Promising Orphans Who Lose Their Tempers Under Pressure

Ape-Con, the convention for apes

Grape-Con, the convention for dealers of delicious and therefore extremely valuable grapes, inadvertently scheduled for the same weekend

The Teasing of the Bears

The Compressing of the Bats

The Trusting of the Octopus

The annual surprise Civil War re-enactment without uniforms, which occurs on a different day each year

The children’s triathlon

Breathe Nothing Day

The blind tasting event at the Local Wine and Drain Cleaner Expo

Border streaking

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