The fire department’s Fourth of July team-building retreat in the woods far from town
Our Christmas game of startle-the-mule
At weddings, anyone who used to date the bride drinks free.
The annual sack race and simultaneous, unrelated roundup in which snakes are caught and placed in bags
Take Your Daughter to Someone Else’s Work Day
The final round of the Million-Dollar Target Shooting Challenge for Promising Orphans Who Lose Their Tempers Under Pressure
Ape-Con, the convention for apes
Grape-Con, the convention for dealers of delicious and therefore extremely valuable grapes, inadvertently scheduled for the same weekend
The Teasing of the Bears
The Compressing of the Bats
The Trusting of the Octopus
The annual surprise Civil War re-enactment without uniforms, which occurs on a different day each year
The children’s triathlon
Breathe Nothing Day
The blind tasting event at the Local Wine and Drain Cleaner Expo
Border streaking
