Friday links! So sue me edition

A potentially ill-advised vanity plate

A potentially ill-advised vanity plate

The 1980s contributed so many dismissive catchphrases to our shared vocabulary: “get a life,” “don’t have a cow,” “peace through strength.” These were insurmountable arguments against anything someone else cared about. I remember when my cat died in seventh grade, and I was sad at school, and my classmate told me to get a life. What a burn! In that moment, my central concerns were unimportant—not merely misplaced but nonexistent, failing to even constitute a life. Yet for all his lordly dearth of empathy, the person who says “get a life” remains a third party to whatever problem he dismisses. The real boss move is to dismiss misery you yourself have caused. To that end, no catchphrase beats “so sue me.” It reduces your relation with your interlocutor to the law and whatever money they can extract from you. Today is Friday, and we owe one another no more consideration than that. Why don’t you do something about it with me?

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Ouroboros of time turns Republican against Republican, signaling final beginning

Kombat Kids! Don't worry about Cory the Ouroboros. You'll be dead long before it becomes an issue.

Don’t worry about Cory the Ouroboros, Kombat Kids. You’ll be dead long before it becomes an issue.

One of the few weathers to which my midwestern boyhood did not accustom me was “smoky.” Missoula is one big, smelly lighting effect right now, as smoke from any number of wildfires accumulates in our mountain valley. It’s red out. It itches. Probably a cold front will come through tonight and blow it all away, but maybe these are the end times. During the second reconciliation, Gozer appeared in the form of a giant slor. This year, he’s the Montana Republican Party, and he’s pissed.

As part of its ongoing lawsuit to overturn the state law allowing any registered voter to vote in either party’s primary, the Montana GOP has filed a motion to dismiss Deputy Attorney General Jon Bennion. Bennion, a Republican, serves under Attorney General Tim Fox (R), whom he joined after successful tenures with the Chamber of Commerce and the campaign of former Rep. Dennis Rehberg (R–MT). As it was throughout time, the Republican Party of Montana is again an ouroboros, forever swallowing its own tail.

This whole thing started with a close primary for state Senate in neighboring Ravalli County, where moderate Pat Connell narrowly defeated the more conservative Scott Boulanger. The county Republican central committee subsequently declined to fund Connell’s candidacy in the general, which he won anyway, see footnote. But along the way, Boulanger complained Democrats had crossed over to vote for the moderate Republican in the primary.

Earlier this month, Connell was subpoenaed in the lawsuit. The second sign appears! And lo: the matter of his questioning was a campaign letter from former state senator Jim Shockley (R), who sent a targeted mailing to Ravalli County voters likely to go to the polls to vote against embattled treasurer Valerie Stamey. Boulanger supported Stamey’s appointment.

I assume you are rending your garments and running around in a circle right now, shouting hosannahs. Valerie Stamey was the greatest story Montana politics ever told. I thought it ended when she fled the state. Now, somehow, she returns as the beginning of this story. The seventh seal is open. The ouroboros is at hand.

You can read all about it in this week’s column for the Missoula Independent. Like a novel about a made-up baseball team, Montana politics speaks to universal themes. Get on board while it’s a real ur-text.

Friday links! Owen who? edition

Owen Who

Tomorrow, my beloved Iowa Hawkeyes will play their annual rivalry game against unaccredited Iowa State University, whose record currently stands at 0-2. The Hawks did not look great in their first two outings, but they are 2-0 nonetheless. That discrepancy prompted the University of Iowa Campus Police Department to tweet a funny knock-knock joke at the ISU police, the punchline of which plays out in the image above.Screen Shot 2014-09-12 at 9.21.39 AM I don’t think anyone will disagree that the police of Iowa City are total dicks, but I’m with them on this one.* Today is Friday, and winners are winners regardless of how they got there. Won’t you elide the details with me?

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Three fun stories from yesterday’s primaries

Repawblican candidate Bingo won his primary and will face Skittles, incumbent Democat, in the fall.

Repawblican Bingo won a contentious primary and will face Skittles, incumbent Democat, in the fall.

Maybe I’m biased, but Montana politics seem to produce a better story-to-population ratio than any local politics I have seen. Case in point: Missoula and Ravalli counties held their primary elections yesterday, and they produced not one, nor two, but three interesting stories—four if you count the sheriff’s race. TJ McDermott beat his two Democratic opponents to become the Missoula County Sheriff—there are no Republican candidates in the general—shortly after county Democrats amended their bylaws to endorse him, and also after he sued the Sheriff’s Department. That’s not even the best story from yesterday, though.

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Yes!

A screen cap from Friday's Missoulian

A screen cap from Friday’s Missoulian

The best-case scenario in the Ravalli County treasury fiasco got a little more likely over the weekend. Part One—Valerie Stamey turns out to have done almost no work at all between her appointment in September and her suspension in February—is already in place. That’s more fun than the news consuming public reasonably could have asked for. But dare we hope for Part Two? I am referring, of course, to the unlikely but entertaining possibility that county commissioners really have been illegally selling tax liens, as Stamey alleges. Probably they haven’t. But now the FBI is involved, so oh man—if they have.

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