Meanwhile, inside Michele Bachmann’s career

Michele Bachmann wants you to pull another quarter out of her ear, but this time she's watching.

Michele Bachmann wants you to pull another quarter out of her ear, but this time she’s watching.

Could this be the end of Michele Bachmann head science? It’s possible the wormhole is collapsing, as the four-term Representative from Minnesota announced that she will not seek reelection in 2014. Her decision is definitely not related to the 1.1% victory she won last year over Jim Graves, who recently announced that he would run for her seat again. Nor is it connected to the ongoing ethics probe into her 2012 presidential campaign. You can watch Bachmann explain how unimportant both of those things are in this eight-minute video:


I will miss her cadence most of all—like a children’s record played at the wrong speed.

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Meanwhile, inside Michele Bachmann’s head

Representative Bachmann pauses for four minutes to remember the lyrics to "Bust a Move."

It’s been a long time since we last caught a glimpse of the teddy bear’s picnic inside Michele Bachmann’s head, but we can now triangulate one more point in that extradimensional manifold. Inside Michele Bachmann’s head, the Revolutionary War began in New Hampshire. Speaking to that state’s Republican Liberty Caucus on Saturday, Bachmann observed that “What I love about New Hampshire and what we have in common is our extreme love for liberty. You’re the state where the shot was heard around the world in Lexington and Concord.” Of course, that was not true. Massachusetts is the state where the shot was heard ’round the world, or rather the world is the place where the shot was heard et cetera, and Massachusetts is the state where it was fired. It can be tough to remember, so I encouraged my students to use the following mnemonic device: the Battles of Lexington and Concorde took place at Lexington and Concorde, which continue to be located in Massachusetts, you stooge. It’s better if you can hear the song.

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