The holiday travel complaining season nigh approaches, and I’m so busy I didn’t have time to put on my tie this morning. I write you from a furtive break. There is so little Combat! blog today, but even this message smuggled out of my prison of labor—this kite, if you will—is a spendthrift waste of time. Yes, I am spending and wasting time even as I serve it. If you’ve got room in your schedule to lay out that metaphor and unmix it, I invite you to. I, dear reader, am a man of business. While I do deals, how about you read Mike Royko’s infamous column on the unveiling of the Chicago Picasso in 1967? Then you can read Frank Sinatra’s letter to Royko, in which the number-one singer among people without souls calls Royko a “pimp.” Not a compliment back then. But why only savor the written word’s sweet tip, when you can swallow the whole thing and read Donald Barthelme’s list of 81 essential books? Don’t read the actual books; just peruse the list and bring them up at parties. Remember, the first person to mention a book is assumed to have read it. Take the time you would have spent reading Gimpel the Fool and watch this video. I know it’s called “dubstep beatbox” and shot at a kitchen table, but it’s important.

Forgot I lived. Forgot I died. I gotta go!