Return of son of bride of health care

"I know this is a bad time, but they're saying the adenoids are a pre-existing condition."

Let me head off your objections right now: son of bride of health care is not just son of health care, because Mrs. Health Care subsequently remarried and lives in Ohio. Father of son of former bride of health care is John Boehner, and even though he pretends to be friendly, he keeps subtly insulting health care by saying things like, “I understand where you’re coming from; when I was younger, I had to eke out a living sweeping somebody else’s floors, myself.” Basically, new husband of ex-wife of health care is a dick, and every time he claims to do health care a favor he only humiliates it further. Last week, for example, he organized a purely symbolic overturn of last year’s reforms with the Repealing the Job-Crushing Health Care Law Act, which really puts certain other phrases from this paragraph in perspective. It was a pretty cynical move, incorporating as it did both a purported desire to improve the law and a sure exemption from having to do so. Anyone could see what spray-tanned second husband of health care was doing except those closest to him, and so the duty to say something fell to former coworker of both health care and father of son of former bride of health care, David Frum.

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The Prick of Grammar: State of the Union

There was much to like about last night’s State of the Union Address, and it wasn’t all watching Joe Biden periodically try to make John Boehner lose his prim-mouthed composure in the background. There was the supremely metaphoric spectacle of congressmen in mixed seating trying to get their neighbors to participate in standing ovations. There was Shepard Smith’s on-air meltdown after Chris Wallace corrected him re the date of Bobby Jindal’s commentary (it was two years ago, not last year, and Wallace was not cool about it.) There was Paul Ryan’s response, which was like watching a retarded person recite a poem, and there was Michele Bachmann’s response, which was like watching the wind blow across a Coke bottle. For my money, though, the best part of SOTU was the President’s impassioned defense of the decision to repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. He segued cleanly from the war in Afghanistan to the universal support for our troops to their ethnic and religious diversity. “And yes, we know that some of them are gay,” he continued. “Starting this year, no American will be forbidden from serving the country they love because of who they love.” It was a rad turn of phrase, but listening to it I was briefly distracted. That moment’s recognition of dissonance in a harmonious use of language is the subject of today’s possibly-never-recurring feature, in which we analyze the twinge that comes with an error in deliberate speech. I call it The Prick of Grammar, and it starts at 54:54 of the video after the jump.

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Tim Pawlenty runs for President of kaboom!

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfkNEq1XioE&feature=player_embedded

Now that you’re done crying/submissively urinating, you should know that that was a commercial for a book. Tim Pawlenty wrote Courage to Stand: An American Story, which I have not read but appears to be a heartwarming story of how anyone can make it in the United States if they work hard and are Tim Pawlenty, and this video about Valley Forge and the moon landing is ostensibly to sell that. In reality,* of course, it’s about how Tim Pawlenty would make an awesome President for an awesome people. As with the Amazon description of his book, which refers to “the gritty meat packing town of St. Paul,” there appears to be some mythmaking going on here. That probably explains why he hired Michael Bay to make his commercial—which, in turn, explains why the only black people in this video are Olympic athletes and Martin Luther King.

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Precommitment devices, Eva Longoria, Sartre

You could have done worse, Tony Parker.

Slate runs three kinds of articles: (1) timely analyses of news items that appeared on Gawker four days ago, (2) Would This Statement Attract More Readers As a Question?, and (3) essays on subjects that the author happens to have just published a book about. For my money, category (3) is the most interesting, since if there’s one thing I like more than reading a book, it’s talking about a book I haven’t read. I was therefore thrilled to encounter Daniel Akst’s report/essay/plug about precommitment devices—not because it’s tremendously insightful or fun, but because it draws attention to two important issues facing society: Jean-Paul Sartre’s construction of vertigo and Eva Longoria.

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Friday links! Multimedia edition

At the risk of using my blog to tell people about other people who looked at my work, thereby causing the entire narcissism manifold to collapse upon itself, our stupid zombie video has more than a quarter million views since Monday. That officially makes it the most popular thing I have ever written.* It also makes me think this internet video thing might be catching on. As a producer and consumer of web bullshit, I tend inordinately toward text for one simple reason: working in a medium that 98% of the population considers important only to schoolchildren obviates the question of whether you’re doing a good job. You can write anything after the first 200 words, because by then the only people reading are those who identify with the act of reading itself and therefore like whatever. It’s like dating a drama girl. Anywhom, this week’s link roundup is chock full of videos, self-portraits, candid recordings and other proof that words are lame. It also contains the word “faggot” like fifty times. It’s Friday!

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