Republican strategists prepare for alternate-future 1992

By Dan Brooks in Republican Candidates 1 Comment
Donald Trump sees a squirrel.

Donald Trump sees a squirrel.

Midway through this strange Hill story, in which Senate Republicans inexplicably describe Donald Trump as a “smart guy” instead of a “shit-eating wildman,” GOP strategist John Ullyat articulates a frightening vision of the future:

The Republican candidates who decide to take him on and attack him do so at their peril and the party’s peril, because the worst thing for Republicans is for Trump to go through the primaries and make a third-party run.

But that would never happen, right? It seems pretty implausible that this country could see a three-way election among a Bush, a Clinton, and an outspoken billionaire—god dammit.

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McCain connects AZ wildfires to illegal immigrants

By Dan Brooks in Just Sayin' Stuff 1 Comment

Photoshop is the lowest form of wit.

Arizona senator and former Republican presidential candidate John McCain—who, incidentally, doesn’t have any particular plans for 2012—remarked Saturday that a portion of the Arizona wildfires were started by immigrants. “There is substantial evidence that some of these fires have been caused by people who have crossed our border illegally,” McCain said at a press conference. “The answer to that part of the problem is to get a secure border.” As of press time, McCain has not provided said evidence to the public, nor has he described what its substance may be. But the important thing is that we used to start our own fires in this country, and being an arsonist/bolt of lightning used to mean something, but now—thanks to immigrants—decent, hard-working Americans have to sit home taskless, drinking their wives’ unsold beer and staring at their oddly deathless boobs. No word yet from McCain on who’s been poisoning wells.

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Sharron Angle’s “Wave” ad is just really awesome, you guys

By Dan Brooks in Tea Party 6 Comments

Say what you will about the breakdown of our democracy—it’s been a great year for ads. Popping up with a gun and yelling at the screen was among the least crazy things a candidate could do, and the ads that didn’t contain candidates because they were paid for by anonymous shadow corporations were even weirder. So when I saw the headline “Robert Menendez calls Sharron Angle’s ad racist,” I figured we were in for some canny insinuation, a little where-did-the-jobs-go, maybe a picture of day laborers. I didn’t think we were going to get a freaking Masterpiece of Insanity, which is what I offer you after the jump.

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