Old-timey children who are dead now
As any pamphlet will tell you, Halloween is an evil holiday. It’s probably the most evil holiday, with the possible exception of Secretary’s Day, and that’s why it’s so fun. For one day a year, American society permits you to gorge on sugar, trick people, and pretend to be someone you’re not. Then we return to our lives of circumspect eating and honesty. Today is Friday, and it’s almost time to pretend the monsters only come out on Halloween. Won’t you festoon yourself in gore with me?