Okay, they are looking at the content of your emails

Traitor!

Traitor!

The New York Times announced today that, contrary to earlier assurances from the executive branch, the NSA is looking at the contents of large numbers of Americans’ emails. Don’t worry, though: they’re only looking at emails and text messages that originate or are received overseas, and they’re only searching for information related to specific targets. The word “target” appears in an alarming number of reassurances about this program. While we’re trusting implicitly the institutional structures of America, there’s also this paragraph from the Times report:

Hints of the surveillance appeared in a set of rules, leaked by Mr. Snowden, for how the N.S.A. may carry out the 2008 FISA law. One paragraph mentions that the agency “seeks to acquire communications about the target that are not to or from the target.” The pages were posted online by the newspaper The Guardian on June 20, but the telltale paragraph, the only rule marked “Top Secret” amid 18 pages of restrictions, went largely overlooked amid other disclosures.

Which is understandable, because why would journalists notice the one marked “Top Secret?”

Continue reading

Reince Priebus manifests, presents CNN/NBC with diabolic choice

RNC chairman Reince Priebus in his Cave of Insanity

RNC chairman Reince Priebus in his Cave of Insanity

Making a popping sound as he displaces the air, RNC chairman and extradimensional potentate Reince Priebus had demanded that CNN and NBC Entertainment halt production on planned features about Hillary Clinton. And if they do not? One week from today, Priebus will “seek a binding vote of the RNC stating that the committee will neither partner with you in 2016 primary debates nor sanction primary debates which you sponsor.” In other words, CNN and NBC drop their respective Hillary projects or they don’t get to carry the Republican debates. And like that, before you could say Subeirp Ecnier, he disappeared.

Continue reading

Stuffy deans downplay Iowa’s status as #1 party school

Hawkeye football fans celebrate with a wax effigy of John Kerry.

Hawkeye football fans celebrate with a wax effigy of John Kerry.

So it’s not just that I remember being 21: the Princeton Review has ranked my University of Iowa the #1 party school in the nation. The way they do it is they take some mice who have never partied before, and then they release them on campus and see how many of them have little stamps on their feet the next morning. Mice who get pregnant have to leave the study and go to community college. The University has basically been running the same experiment for years, but now that it’s achieved scientific results they’re being dicks about it. I quote spokesman Tom Moore:

In each of the last four years, alcohol harm to our students has decreased. It is, frankly, still too high. We are heartened, though, by the steady progress we have made, and are committed to continuing this progress.

Moore then ignited his hair with a flaming shot and fell backwards through the window.

Continue reading

Forced into bottle service, “men’s rights activist” loses lawsuit

Self-described antifeminist attorney Roy Den Hollander, with subpoena and unfair cheese

Self-described antifeminist attorney Roy Den Hollander, with subpoena and unfair cheese

Back in 2010, a bouncer told Manhattan attorney Roy Den Hollander he could only enter the Chelsea nightclub Amnesia if he bought a $350 bottle of vodka. At that same moment, that very same bouncer let in an attractive young woman for free. It was a clear human rights violation, mostly having to do with Hollander’s gender but also possibly his age. As he puts it, Hollander is “middle-aged.” He would not say the exact number to the New York Daily News, leading to this delightful sequence of paragraphs:

“If I’m hitting on some young girl at the club—and I won’t be hitting on an older one because they don’t look as good—if she knows how old I am I’m not going to be able to exploit her infinite capacity to delude herself into thinking I’m younger,” he said.

A search of public records revealed he’s 66 years old.

He is also a jerk, which is maybe what happens when you’re scheduled to live to 132. Props to The Angel Ben Gabriel for the link.

Continue reading

Friday links! Unexpected results edition

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_MJM_V82T8

Everything makes sense in retrospect, which instills the false confidence that the world is an ordered place. Consumed in real time, however, life is unpredictable and curling irons are suddenly, inexplicably hot. The distinguishing feature of human experience is incoherence, because what are we distinguishing it from? Fiction, the realm of ideas, religious narratives, rocks—all the things human experience isn’t make perfect sense to us, for the simple reason that they are products of our understanding. Life is the part we understand backwards, and so it surprises us anew. Today is Friday, and all manner of unexpected stuff has happened. Won’t you say you knew it all along with me?

Continue reading