Combat! - Page 202 of 406 - A blog by Dan Brooks

Friday links! Cunning of the octopus edition

By Dan Brooks in Friday Links, Uncategorized September 13, 2013 2 Comments

An octopus wearing a top hat, which turns out to be a surprisingly popular image

The octopus is the smartest animal. In terms of cunning, it goes octopus, weasel, crow, political consultant, fungus. Did you know that an octopus can fit through any hole larger than its eye? Did you know that it becomes much funnier if you refer to it as an “ockapus,” or if it wears a monocle? The octopus is more than just a wonder of nature, though. It is also a symbol for strange conspiracies, for the silent drifting of the alien and invisible just beneath us or, if we are unlucky, in our grills. Multifarious and mute, the octopus is mystery itself, disparate tentacles connecting at a consciousness we cannot hope to understand. In conclusion, the octopus is a land of contrast. Also, I am sick.

And now for something we can all agree on

By Dan Brooks in Uncategorized September 12, 2013 0 Comment

Judge G. Todd Baugh of Billings is unaware that western shirts make you look older than your chronological age.

Judge G. Todd Baugh is unaware that western shirts make you look older than your chronological age.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from covering the westside/Union Gospel Mission debacle, it’s that you should never write about a local controversy. All my friends Facebook friends think I’m a jerk now, and what do we have if not the esteem of our peers’ peers? That’s why my most recent column in the Missoula Independent is about Montana District Court judge G. Todd Baugh, whom we can all agree on. He is a schmuck. In August, he sentenced a 54 year-old Billings high school teacher to 30 days in prison for the statutory rape of 14 year-old student Cherice Moralez, remarking from the bench that she was “older than her chronological age.” Moralez killed herself in 2010. You can read about the black comedy of errors that followed Baugh’s pronouncement while I do a bunch of boring stuff around my exciting new house, and then we’ll both meet back here for Friday links. Deal? Deal.

US income inequality reaches record high

By Dan Brooks in Plutocracy September 11, 2013 1 Comment

Fast-food workers strike for higher wages next to history’s most inspiring statue of Ronald McDonald.

There was something I was supposed to remember today—something really important, possibly related to fundamental threats to our American way of life. What was it? I swore I’d never forget. Oh yeah—a decade of skyrocketing income inequality. According to tax data, the top-earning US households captured a larger share of the nation’s income than ever before, breaking a record set in 1927. If I remember correctly, the years after 1927 saw a rising tide that lifted all boats. I’m being sarcastic, of course. There was a worldwide depression, but that situation was different, because back then most of the high-end income came from the financial and real estate economies. Wait—I’m still doing it.

Missoula holds world’s most depressing city council meeting

By Dan Brooks in populism September 10, 2013 8 Comments

The former Sweetheart Bakery outlet, now back to being an empty warehouse

The Missoula city council voted 10-1 last night to pass an ordinance prohibiting new homeless shelters and soup kitchens for the next six months, or until such time as the city can draft new conditional-use zoning. The ban will be retroactive, with an effective date of August 12. Council members worried that unusual aspect of the ordinance might provoke a lawsuit, but it was necessary to address the real purpose of the ban: preventing the Union Gospel Mission from moving to the former Sweetheart Bakery outlet, which the mission leased and permitted last month. Council heard from approximately three dozen westside residents who opposed the move, in testimony that would have made me think the people of this town were pretty heartless if I didn’t know them already.

A hopeful, farfetched theory on Syria

By Dan Brooks in Politics versus Government September 9, 2013 4 Comments

If you can't spot the devil at the table, you are the devil.

If you’ve played an hour and can’t spot the devil at the table, you are the devil.

We all know that Barack Obama is either a genius tactician or the puppet of a Maoist conspiracy. He’s black, and all previous black candidates for president were puppets of Maoist conspiracies. That’s why they lost. Obama won, so it therefore follows that he is a genius tactician. I introduce this airtight syllogism because his recent behavior re: Syria seems kind of weird. He said he wanted to intervene, but then he went and asked Congress, the same people who vigorously opposed his plan to put different light bulbs in the White House. Why, if Obama wants to intervene in Syria, would he seek a resolution from the most hostile House of Representatives and the most dysfunctional Senate in recent history? The answer is simple: he doesn’t want to intervene in Syria.