Not representative of the plane I will fly on today—my plane has peanut butter on it.

Because the holidays are about not doing any work but also not relaxing, I am flying again today. There is no Combat! blog, except the sad remnant glowing before you now. Isn’t life hard? No—our lives are definitely not hard. If you don’t believe me, check out this narrative of a 14 year-old boy who turned himself in to police at a Sunni mosque while wearing an ISIS suicide vest. It’s been a couple weeks now, and Iraqi intelligence officials have not returned him to his parents. Instead they’re “interrogating” him—a process that includes making him reenact his surrender for television. This kid is totally effed, but he saved lives. What did you do today? I showed my mom how to use Spotify and ate a bunch of cookies. Later I will fly through the air and complain about it. How sweet it is, decadent cycle of western modernism. How sweet it is.

Can’t even tell it’s been shopped.

Merry Kristmas, Kombat! kids. The holiday is over, but sloth persists. There is no Combat! blog today, because I need to re-metabolize insulin and do a little paying work. Fortunately, the rest of the internet continues apace. If you’d like to become enraged, the New York Times is hosting a Room For Debate on whether it’s smart for millennials to delay adulthood. Nearly all the respondents acknowledge that young people aren’t getting married and buying houses because the job market is terrible and real estate prices are absurdly high, but they go on to suggest that a generation is opting out of adulthood anyway. While we’re characterizing whole generations, I’m going to say that it’s a very Baby Boomer thing to be born into the best economy in American history, wreck it, and then damn your children for not wanting to own homes and work high-paying jobs. Those of you who like your broad statements a little more quantitative are encouraged to consider the four charts the defined the economy in 2014, including the alarming convergence in assets of the wealthiest .1% of Americans and the “bottom” 90%. Can you believe that 90% of this country opted out of getting rich? Neither can I.

James Franco waits for a mediocre film to succeed wildly, again.

Remember when Kim Jong Un saved America from another self-indulgent James Franco project? That was cool, but he shouldn’t have used terrorism to do it. Of course, this conflict between a pampered manchild exploiting a brainwashed peasantry and Kim Jong Un didn’t require any actual terrorism. The Guardians of Peace needed only to invoke the name of September 11th, and the American film industry—theoretically unafraid to challenge any taboo in the name of art/money—couldn’t take a $44 million loss fast enough. When Pyongyang threatened to “turn Washington into a lake of fire,” we all laughed. Let an anonymous email imply that terrorism might happen, though, and America’s last viable industry becomes a quivering mass. Let’s admit it: the terrorists won. That’s my bitter contention in this week’s column for the Missoula Independent, which is more fun than it sounds—I swear. It’s at least better than Your Highness.