Rep. Tom Burnett (R–Bozeman) with his wife in Sioux Falls

Rep. Tom Burnett (R–Bozeman) sits on the Montana State House’s Joint Appropriations Subcommittee for Health and Human Services. Last week, he sent an email to his colleagues outlining a six-point “method of preventing seriously disabling mental illness, addiction, depression, obesity, diabetes, low-income status and dementia” that included weekly church attendance and “meals eaten with others, at a table, not on the couch.” Burnett’s advice about nutritious food and not masturbating all the time is probably good. His presentation of that advice as a budget discussion—and attendant implication that we wouldn’t need food stamps if poor people would stop jerking off—is probably bad. In this week’s column for the Missoula Independent, I suggest that the Burnett Method does not alleviate poverty so much as it alleviates compassion for the poor. Elsewhere in the issue, I beg you to stop putting pictures of your kids on Tinder. It’s the Valentine’s Day edition, so be sure to also read Sarah Aswell’s essay on the hideous details of her marriage to Ben al-Fowlkes. We’ll be back tomorrow with Friday links, as if this opulence weren’t enough.