Happy Terminal Tuesday, you guys

Me and a bunch of people waiting to go through my wallet.

Me and a bunch of people waiting to go through my wallet.

Although my confidence in the medical profession remains at a low ebb after last year’s vertigo debacle,1 I went to the doctor yesterday. I’m glad I did. I’ll spare you the greenish-yellow details, but I have a variety of exciting infections in pretty much all the orifices of my head, and now I am on antibiotics. They are definitely making me better, particularly in the category of sore throat and ears, but they are also wiping me out. I assume my body is mostly bacteria, and this course of treatment will cure me by majority killing me. In this way I resemble the body politic: disgusting, injurious to public health, and likely to get worse before it gets better.

Today is a big day for presidential primaries: Ohio, Florida, Missouri, North Carolina and Illinois all go to the polls. If John Kasich and Marco Rubio don’t¬†beat Donald Trump in their home states tonight, their campaigns are functionally¬†over. That would leave Republicans to choose between Trump and Ted Cruz, not just in the primaries that follow but at the convention in July. Ohio and Florida are winner-take-all states, and if Trump wins both he could reach the convention with a simple majority of delegates. More likely, though, he’ll roll in with a plurality, leaving the party establishment to broker a compromise between two candidates it hates, or risk alienating its voters with a third candidate who didn’t run in any primaries at all.

It’s an exciting day for Republican politics, is what I’m saying here. We may be watching the first stages of a split in the GOP. Either that or we’re watching the second stage of a nationalist strongman’s ascent to power, but I don’t think so. This is a friendly reminder that polls have Trump getting smashed by Clinton in a general election, and Sanders does even better. It’s going to be okay. I mean, it’s clearly not: one of our two major parties is on the verge of nominating an incoherent and racist reality television celebrity. But it’s going to be not-okay with a president other than Donald Trump. And I’m going to live, dammit.

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