God never closes a door without opening a window. He sublets, so he doesn’t much care about heating bills or whatever, but he paid all the rent up front. You have to take the good with the bad. Whether it’s the spiny exterior of a delicious cactus or the two hours of Gerard Butler you have to sit through before the end of a Gerard Butler movie, nothing worthwhile comes without its price. Today is Friday, a necessary last push before the sweet, sweet weekend, and news is mixed. Won’t you go from toothpaste to orange juice with me?
Technically this counts as a bad, but it is heartening to see Mark Bittman continue his crusade against sugar. Also heartening is the certainty achieved by a recent study linking sugar consumption to diabetes, which found that “for every 12 ounces of sugar-sweetened beverage introduced per person per day into a country’s food system, the rate of diabetes goes up 1 percent.” There’s the bad part, because we are drinking a lot of soda. Presumably, we could each drink 99 sodas a day and some of us would be okay, but maybe we shouldn’t. Maybe, as Bittman suggests, we should start viewing sugary foods and drinks as dangerous in the same way as cigarettes. Or just keep giving them to kids and see what happens, like we did with cigarettes.
The good news is that what you eat can make you healthier, too. Another study, which one nutritionist calls “really impressive” in its thoroughness, found that eating a so-called Mediterranean diet can significantly reduce the risk of heart disease—even more than a low-fat diet and blood pressure medication. Here’s how sure they are: the study ended early, because “the results were so conclusive it was considered unethical to continue.” As a result of either yoga or irrational exuberance, I ate a bunch of olives and almonds last night. Like maybe a pound total. I can report that certain aspects of the Mediterranean diet are not so good for you right before bed.
Scientific certainty is awesome if you apply it right. Political certainty, on the other hand, is likely to lead you down an ugly road. Montana Republicans have spent the last month legislating their brains out in Helena, and they have managed to draft two laws declaring the Treasure State’s immunity to federal law enforcement. One of them nullifies a federal assault weapons ban that doesn’t exist yet, and the other would require FBI agents to get permission from local sheriffs before making arrests. Two groups feel strongly about so-called Sheriffs First laws: the Tea Party and the Supreme Court. They disagree. Still, you never know when 150 years’ judicial precedent might change its mind.
Never underestimate the potential of the last few minutes. Maybe some guy on the other team will pass you the ball so you can end your high school basketball career by scoring. This footage of a high school student being nice to another, developmentally disabled high school student is maybe the most heartwarming vido I’ve ever seen, non-puppy division. I assume that at the end of the game a bunch of puppies ran out on the court and the players rolled them around and scratched their soft bellies, tumbling and laughing, but the camera ran out of tape.
You don’t have that problem with animation. You can come up with cutaway gags and talking dogs and pointless celebrity cameos all day and never worry about missing a single irreplaceable event. Or you can write some actually funny non sequiturs, like so:
Always alive in our hears, Homestar Runner. Props to Dan Scholl of Hard Knocks for the link. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to choke down more olive oil.