From: djones1949@aol.com
Date: Feb 13 2010 08:48 CST
Subject: Big news!
Dear Son,
Big news today. Carol and I just got the internet at home, so I’m writing you this from our computer room! Now we can communicate electronically. Does the phone count as electronic? I guess it doesn’t matter, since we never talk on the phone anyway. I’m kidding! :) Things are good here. Ranger ate an entire box of Thin Mints and we had to tie a bag around him. He’s okay now, though. It’s been very warm—56 degrees yesterday, although it’s supposed to get down to 23 tonight. If you talk to your mother, can you tell her we need to work out the insurance thing from last year? She’ll know what I’m talking about.
Your father,
Dad
From: djones1949@aol.com
Date: Feb 13 2010 14:37 CST
Subject: funny
Thought you’d get a kick out of this…
Love,
Dad
From: djones1949@aol.com
Date: Feb 13 2010 14:38 CST
Subject: Oops!
Forgot to attach it. Here it is…
<messagesendfailure.txt>
From:djones1949@aol.com
Date: Feb 17 2010 11:43 CST
Subject: Some mail for you
Dear Son,
Some mail came to the house for you from U of I. You also got a statement from Bank of America, which I accidentally opened. Is your checking account the only bank account you have? You know you can always stay here for a while if you need to, although your room is the computer room now. But you can stay in the basement for as long as you need to. I know it’s not the big city, but there are a lot of good jobs here and there’s jazz at the farmer’s market. You also got a Valentine’s Day card from Grandma. Does she know your address? I’m sending you the UI stuff via “snail mail,” along with a pair of white ankle socks I found in the bathroom. You probably left them here at Christmas, since you were in such a hurry. Ranger ate a bag of rubber bands, so he and I are going to the vet this afternoon. He’s really inquisitive—Ranger, I mean, not the vet. The vet’s all right, too, but not really a warm person.
Love,
Dad
From: djones1949@aol.com
Date: Feb 18 2010 17:19 CST
Subject: FWD: President Obama to require troops to bring their own guns to Iraq
scary…
—Begin forwarded message—
From: rstevens@propertycasualty.com
To: djones1949@aol.com
Subject: FWD: Can you believe this?
—Begin forwarded message—
From: tknudsen@bcbs.com
To: aamnundsen@bcbs.com, lbalentine@hotmail.com, tylersmom123@aol.com, rogers@wellmark.com, love2quilt515@aol.com, ljacobs@yahoo.com, soccerfan123456@aol.com, dreiter@thereiterfamily.com, cschoenfeld@bcbs.com, The Woodman <woodrowreinhard@vhs.edu>, freehunting@yahoo.com, lydiaarnold@district.wdm.gov, quiltlady@aol.com, luvmycats@luvurcats.com…(51 more)
Subject: OBAMA TAKES AWAY TROOP’S GUNS!
—Begin forwarded message—
From: Betty Winterberg <americanmom@hotmail.com>
<rest of message not displayed>
From: djones1949@aol.com
Date: Feb 20 2010 18:43 CST
Subject: Big snowstorm here!
Dear Son,
Well, it turns out spring wasn’t here after all. A big snowstorm hit last night, and we got seven inches. The roads are pretty slick and Ranger’s wheels get stuck in the drifts, so I have to take him outside and sort of squeeze him. It could be worse, though; a lot of electrical lines are down to the north of here, but we’ve still got power. I guess you know that, since I’m writing you on the computer! I haven’t sent you the socks and the UI letter and the bank statement yet because I misplaced your address. When you get a second, could you send it to me? Also, I have a technical question for you. If I want to add a website to my favorites, do I click on the heart icon on the login page, or do I put it under “My Places” on the Buddy menu? Your old man is learning computers!
Love,
Your Dad
From: sharonbelljones1948@aol.com
Date: Feb 20 2010 23:14 CST
Subject: (no subject)
Please tell your father to stop sending me chain e-mails.
Mom
—————
“I may not have been a movie star, or a famous politician, or a rock and roll singer. But I know that my time on earth has been worthwhile, for I have been an important person in the life of a child.” –Mother Teresa
From: djones1949@aol.com
Date: Feb 21 2010 17:15 CST
Subject: Forgot
I forgot to mention that I accidentally opened the UI letter, too. It was a football calendar. Do you still want me to send it to you? Whenever you get me your mailing address is fine.
Dad
From: Facebook <donotreply@facebook.com>
Date: Feb 22 2010 20:12 EST
Subject: Donald Jones has added you as a friend on Facebook!
We need to confirm that you’re really friends with Donald before we continue. To respond to Donald’s request, follow this link: http://facebook.com/ref?=134708lzxcoiudlkf4892/id.friendrequest.htm.
“What is this?”
From: djones1949@aol.com
Date: Feb 22 2010 00:14 CST
Subject: Important
How do you clear the history on Internet Explorer? This is important.
From: djones1949@aol.com
Date: Feb 23 2010 19:05 CST
Subject: Your room is back
Good news! Carol and I decided to turn the computer room back into the guest room. It was fun having the internet at home, but with two people using the same computer, it was just too many hassles. We’re going to cancel DSL and take ballroom dance lessons instead. That way, Carol and I can use the money for something we do together. I’ll still be able to get emails at work, though, so don’t worry about replying to this before the end of the month. Now when you come to visit you won’t have to sleep in the basement. Do you have any plans to get back here in the spring? When you do, I’d like you to have a look at Carol’s computer. I think it might have a virus.
Love,
Dad
I spent probably too much time trying to figure out why the email address changes from djohnson to djones. Probably wouldn’t have if my last name weren’t Jones.
I can tell you why it changed from djohnson to djones while I was writing it, but that question might better be left to this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULI5kolBpAk . Thanks for the catch.
that was fun
Funny. Sort of reminds me of Tom Oatmeal.
Never have truer words appears on the internet.