As one might easily have predicted, the Nondenominational Holiday Retail Season has consumed me today, as I rush about buying bleeping trinkets for my loved ones so that they might forget the cavalier disdain I have expressed for their affections since March 1981. It’s not working, but man, is it time-consuming. In the meantime, please enjoy this photograph of a thirty foot-tall Santa burning uncontrollably, presumably to the long-term consternation of innumerable children, and also for the entertainment of that housing project in the background. If we need to make a new American flag—and I assume that, once the SEC secedes, we will—I nominate Santa Fail. If my nominating privileges are revoked due to laziness, I understand.