As Sanders concedes, Democrats declare crying Robin Hood crying Peter Pan

Delegate Sean Kehren, known to the internet as Crying Peter Pan, in his Robin Hood hat

Sean Kehren, known to the internet as Crying Peter Pan, in his Robin Hood hat

The Democratic Party came together last night in Philadelphia, if not in camaraderie. In the end, Vermont senator and beautiful dream Bernie Sanders urged his supporters to elect Hillary Clinton, as we knew he must. But it took some wailing and gnashing of teeth. The delegation from California booed near continuously, and chants of “we trusted you” became audible over Elizabeth Warren. Ostensible show-woman Sarah Silverman lost control of the crowd when told to stretch it out before Paul Simon, first telling the audience she’d been instructed to kill time and then refusing to join Al Franken’s attempts at jokes. Hot-takers loved her remark that Bernie-or-bust rowdies were “acting ridiculous,” but the night’s most affecting moments were in the reaction shots. A lot of Bernie delegates cried during his speech, including the man pictured above, whom the internet has dubbed Crying Peter Pan. In fact, that’s a Robin Hood hat, which he wore to symbolize the proposed “Robin Hood tax” on Wall Street. Delegate Sean Kehren also informs Liz Goodwin that he was crying because he was moved by Bernie’s call for unity, not because he was sad his candidate lost. Is there any better metaphor for the 2016 Democratic nominating process than misidentifying Robin Hood as Peter Pan?

Fix in, chairwoman out, planned unity off as Democrats convene in Philadelphia

Thanks, Prisma!

Thanks, Prisma!

Remember when Ted Cruz, John Kasich, and Donald Trump were going to divide the Republican Party amongst themselves? Remember when we worried aloud, biting our cheeks to keep from snickering, that the GOP would suffer a contested convention? Here’s video from the first day of the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia, in which delegates boo their nominee:

The DNC was in the news this weekend, starting Friday afternoon, when Wikileaks published over 20,000 emails proving party leaders connived against the Sanders campaign. The leaks probably came from Russian hackers, who likely dumped the information to sow division among Democrats and abet Kremlin favorite Donald Trump. That’s what the panicked faithful said, anyway. On Sunday, Debbie Wasserman Schultz resigned as chair of the DNC. She promised to gavel the convention to order and oversee its proceedings, but after delegates from her home state met her with jeers at breakfast, she withdrew. Now the party is without a master, and Hillary’s power to command loyalty among Democrats is compromised on the eve of her ascension. Oh yeah—and Trump pulled even with her in the polls.

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Friday links! Oh good, ethnic nationalism edition

Yeah, it looks like we're doing this.

Yeah, it looks like we’re doing this.

Donald Trump spoke for 75 minutes at the Republican National Convention last night, alternately aggrandizing himself, predicting doom, and assuring us he’d fix it. The theme of the evening was Make America One Again, which was a refreshing change from Monday’s theme, Make America Scared of Brown People. Yet Trump seemed to double down on separation. He adjusted his promised ban on Muslims to a ban on people from countries Muslim terrorists have “penetrated.” He did not mention any black lives that may have mattered, but he presented cop killing as epidemic, even though fewer officers have been murdered during the Obama administration than during any administration in the last 30 years. Then Trump promised to “end crime and violence very soon.” Today is Friday, and the Republican Party has nominated for president of the United States an ethnic nationalist campaigning on law and order. Won’t you consider fixing up the attic with me?

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No one in Trump campaign expected Melania to get caught

Classy

Classy

It would be unfair to ask Melania Trump to write her own speech for the Republican convention. As the third wife of a billionaire 25 years her senior, she was not selected for her oratory skills. And can you imagine what it would be like to start in a Slovenian village and go on to marry the loudest asshole in America? Between Sevnica and Cleveland, she probably did some things she did not at first enjoy. My point is that Melania is through working, and we should leave her to peacefully wait out this last year of her husband’s life. In the meantime, hire a ghostwriter. Newt Gingrich would do it for lunch, I bet, and you could get somebody really good for money. This brings us to the question of whom the Trump campaign got—because, as you’ve no doubt heard, a portion of Melania’s speech sounded just like Michelle Obama’s speech from 2008.

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Trump exploits 60 Minutes appearance to render satire useless

An uploaded copy of a Twitter image of a screenshot of a Twitter ad

An uploaded copy of a Twitter image of a screenshot of a tweet

I have several questions about the advertisement pictured above. First of all, what was the worst Trump shirt designed by veterans? Did it say “Veterans stand behind, in front of, surrounding, but not technically in the same space as Donald Trump?” Was it just a dick with “Trump” written on it? Because this shirt has cleverly arranged the phrase “the D” into the shape of a dick, making me wonder if it was based on an existing design. Also, who is “she,” exactly? Judging by the styles pictured, these shirts come in two sizes: men’s medium and young child. I guess it’s funny to dress your four year-old daughter in this shirt, but you probably shouldn’t expose her to so much irony. Also, did you see Gawker’s supercut of Trump’s appearance with Mike Pence on 60 Minutes last night? Discourse after the jump.

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