Baltimore City Councilman Carl Stokes says the n-word on CNN, like a boss.

Thanks to an unclear antecedent, Mediaite reports that President Obama said the n-word on television. Quote:

A Baltimore councilman got frustrated during a clash with CNN’s Erin Burnett earlier tonight about calling the violent protesters “thugs,” and dropped the n-word. Both the mayor of Baltimore and President Obama used that word in denouncing some of what happened last night. 

But they meant that Obama and the mayor called the rioters thugs, and a pretty white woman asked councilman Stokes if that wasn’t the perfect word. “Why don’t you just call them niggers?” Stokes responded awesomely.¹ Meanwhile, everyone continued not to argue over why Freddie Gray came out of a police van with a crushed voice box and three fractured vertebrae, and Bernie Sanders will run for President. Coincidence? Thug, please.

We’ve had so many riots lately, it’s starting to seem like people take to the streets every time police kill someone under mysterious circumstances. Good. Some kind of consequence should discourage police officers from killing us. City governments are not imposing that consequence, possibly because police, prosecutors and mayors are all arms of the same octopus. Rioting is bad, but it is also what a pressurized population does in a system whose designed outlets have been plugged.

Ideally, no one would riot because police wouldn’t be committing extra-judicial killings. But a system where cops kill and nobody does anything about it isn’t exactly our planned utopia, either. The rioters in Baltimore should be running for city government and formalizing networks of accountability between citizens and cops, yeah, but lighting a car on fire is frankly better than nothing, in terms of dystopia prevention.

In other hypothetical governments that won’t come about, an anonymous source told Politico that Bernie Sanders will announce for President tomorrow. Thanks, dick. Now we all know Sanders will run one day before he planned to tell us, and 18 months before the actual election.

Not that Sanders will be a candidate in November 2016. He won’t win the Democratic nomination, because that has been earmarked for the lady who was married to that past President we all like: Imelda Marcos Hillary Clinton. The 2016 election will be between her and Jeb Bush, and we’ll all remember our youth as the time when we worried America was becoming an aristocracy and did nothing about it.

Bernie Sanders is the Baltimore riot of political candidates. He’s definitely not going to succeed, and he will probably damage some stuff we basically like. He is not a plan to change the system so much as a gesture of protest against it. As Politico points out, he is the first candidate to run left of Hillary—a sobering thought for all of us. His too-radical-to-win platform focuses on campaign finance reform, income inequality, and climate change.

To my way of thinking, those are three of our most important problems. That saying we should do something about them puts Sanders to the left of all available candidates tells you how responsive our present politics have become. An economic recovery that only concentrated wealth in the hands of America’s richest citizens is the mysterious spinal injury of 21st-century politics, and our electoral democracy is the Baltimore police.

Bernie Sanders is our burning car, and I urge you to rally around and, if necessary, on top of him. Combat! blog endorses him as the only candidate not in the immediate family of a previous president, not against peace with Iran, and not Ted Cruz. You can’t go wrong supporting Candidate Sanders, because he definitely will not win.

He’ll probably mess with Hillary, though, and get her to say something embarrassing on TV. Will we populist Democrats therefore be trashing our own neighborhood, so to speak, and looting our own CVS? Yeah, probably. But that is better than silent consent.

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