Tucker Carlson calls for execution of Michael Vick

By Dan Brooks in Just Sayin' Stuff 3 Comments

Pictures into which dicks must be Photoshopped immediately

In an apparent effort to boost his popularity, conservative commenter and bow tie enthusiast Tucker Carlson has called for the execution of a likely National Football League MVP. Carlson was guest hosting Sean Hannity’s show on Fox News Tuesday night when he said that Michael Vick “should have been executed” for his dogfighting-related crimes three years ago. Whether this is the same as calling for the Eagles quarterback’s death—as our headline so cravenly suggests—is questionable. Obviously, the moment for a judge to hand down America’s first-ever death penalty for cruelty to animals has passed. One assumes, too, that when he went on the country’s most-watched 24-hour news network and said that should have happened, Carlson did not expect some sort of posse to rise up and—after he scrambled around and made it about 17 yards or so—kill Michael Vick in the street. Still: what if they did? Presumably, Tucker Carlson would feel bad. So why did he say it?

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Combat! blog flies through air, isn’t useful…

By Dan Brooks in Uncategorized 0 Comment

…and lands in a blizzard. Seriously, it was clear when I touched down in Missoula, and ten minutes later it was snowing sideways and banshees emerged from the ground. Okay, maybe not literal banshees, but something has to be making that sound. The interns and I are going to spend the rest of the day digging a path to my door, digging a space for my truck, digging a route to the grocery store, digging my new wool sweater, etc. We’ll be back tomorrow with more of the holiday half-assery you’ve come to depend on. In the meantime, how about this?

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMpOhwUTUwc

Matthew Creamer on the year’s best digital writing

By Dan Brooks in advertising 0 Comment

Now that all forms of human endeavor are over for the year, it’s time to look back on the 2010 that was. Okay, it’s time for other people do that, since my disconnection from popular culture makes more less of a broad-survey kind of guy and more of a fleeting-obsession-that-I-try-to-talk-to-the-cashier-at-Taco-Bell-about fellow.* On a break from compiling my list of Best Innocent Remarks Made By Strangers That I Thought About Until I Convinced Myself They Were Veiled Threats of 2010 (Part I), I ran across this article in AdAge, in which Matthew “Nondairy” Creamer submits three works for the Best Media Writing of 2010: The Social Network, Kanye West’s Twitter feed, and an Xtra Normal video made by Mat Bisher and Jason Schmall. Seriously, do all ad executives have hilarious names? Even more seriously, the confluence of these items might just sum up the entirety of our culture’s relation to digital media in three neat pieces.

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Happy continued fundamental themes of Christmas

By Dan Brooks in Fascism 0 Comment

"Did you get that Nintendo you wanted, dick?"

The Combat! blog offices are still relocated in beautiful* Des Moines, where a general atmosphere of holiday cheer/blood toxicity pervades. While I stare fixedly at a cup of coffee without perceiving how much, if any, time is passing, check out this article about how Robert Mugabe is still trying to seize absolute control over Zimbabwe. Mugabe is 86 years old, so it’s either manipulate a fragile African democracy or read The Family Circus again. For the last several years, economists have argued over whether Zimbabwe is experiencing hyperinflation or the highest inflation in the history of money, and the entire country is a testament to what one man not formally educated in economics can achieve when he insists on making all decisions himself. But for my money, the filet of the article is this sentence:

Mr. Charamba, the president’s press secretary, rejected the assertions [that Mugabe’s party would intimidate voters], saying there would be ‘an all-out deployment to assure there is no violence’ by any party.

That’s some primo intimidatory doublespeak, right there. Don’t worry, though: ZANU-PF just found a massive diamond field. That should stabilize the region.

Happy nondenominational winter holiday from Combat! blog

By Dan Brooks in Uncategorized 1 Comment

Don't worry, kids—that's just a regular grandpa and several deer.

It’s Christmas Eve, which means I have to spend the day adjusting the harness and breathing apparatus that will allow me to hang motionless in the center of the chimney until 12:01 am. In the meantime, why don’t you enjoy the last New York Times trend piece of the year? It’s about how men who haven’t bought Christmas presents often purchase jewelry at the last minute—hint hint, boyfriend of New York Times reporter Stephanie Clifford. Props to Mike Sebba for the link and for pointing out this sentence:

“Last year, for instance, more than $709 million was spent on jewelry on Dec. 23 and 24 alone, representing 10 percent of the entire month’s jewelry sales, according to SpendingPulse.”

Yeah, December 23rd and 24th are one day less than 10% of the month of December. If that sort of childlike wonder at normal distribution doesn’t put you in a festive mood, there’s also this interactive feature about dead people. And to all a good night!