Ambivalent: The Iron Sheik’s Twitter feed

By Dan Brooks in Ambivalents 5 Comments

The Iron Sheik, forced to live in the real world with Beyoncé for some reason

I assume that you are already following The Iron Sheik on Twitter, for the simple reason that I assume you are not Tito Santana. As a quick glance at Sheikie’s recent activity suggests, he and Santana are not friends. Then again, the Sheik’s claim that Santana has “the taco ass” may be kind of ironic. It’s hard to tell. The former Olympic wrestler, WWF heel and bodyguard for the Shah of Iran has presumably always separated his interior and public personae, since his public persona is completely absurd. When you think about The Iron Sheik, you have to do a lot of surmising and presuming. How else to explain six borderline-racist tweets in an hour attacking Santana for no discernible reason? And what beside pure, life-consuming dedication to art could explain tweets like this?

You would have to be dead inside not to appreciate that, and you would have to be an idiot to completely endorse it.

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Religion v. the religious in public life

By Dan Brooks in Republican Candidates 10 Comments

John F. Kennedy, who turned us all over to the papists.

Like Liberace’s dry cleaner, regular readers of Combat! blog may be at risk of Santorum fatigue. I feel your pain, but at the rate Santorum is producing stunning statements, he is either going to be out of the race soon or the most historically significant president of the modern era.  This weekend, the Penn State alum and holder of two postrgraduate degrees called President Obama “a snob” for saying that all Americans should be able to attend college. He also said that John F. Kennedy’s famous 1960 speech on the separation between religion and politics made him want to throw up. Even if you can’t bear to hear any more about Santorum, the Times article is worth reading for the part where Mitt Romney bonds with fans at the Daytona 500 by mentioning that several of his friends own NASCAR teams.

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Friday links! Spoonful of sugar edition

By Dan Brooks in Uncategorized 10 Comments

The picture of Rick Santorum above is constructed from still shots of gay pornography. That’s why the Bible forbids us from depicting worldly things with images, as Santorum would tell you were his mouth not made entirely of twinks raw-dogging it in all holes. You’ve got to take the good with the bad. For example, our access to insane Santorum remarks and pornographic mosaics of his face is higher than ever before, but that comes at the cost of his maybe almost getting near the presidency. Don’t think about it; just look at the picture. It’s the spoonful of sugar that makes the medicine et cetera, and this Friday—when all consumed must be dissolved in water and taken with medicine—it’s the guiding principle of our link roundup. Sugar after the jump.

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I’m alive. Is Rick Santorum still crazy?

By Dan Brooks in Republican Candidates 1 Comment

Rick Santorum explains the three things government is authorized to do.

The surgery was a success and I am back in the Combat! blog offices, where each intern disguises his horror at my visage more poorly than the last. Seriously, I look like somebody drove a screw into my head. I feel like somebody drove my head into a screw, possibly because I have eaten nothing in the last 36 hours besides painkillers, half a cup of tapioca pudding and maybe two pints of my own blood. So the blog is going to be half-assed. Fortunately for us, Ben al-Fowlkes not only drove my semi-lucid ass home from the clinic yesterday, but also sent me this rad article about a speech Rick Santorum gave in 2008. In it, he warned his audience at Catholic University that “this is…a spiritual war” and that Satan was trying to subvert the United States of America. This man is now a front-runner for the Republican nomination for President.

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Combat! blog lies in chair, getting toothful

By Dan Brooks in Uncategorized 4 Comments

There will be no Combat! blog today, because in approximately one hour I will undergo minor surgery wherein a very confident oral surgeon implants a titanium screw in my upper jaw, onto which my dentist will later screw a tooth. “Don’t screw a tooth!” I will say cheerfully to him. Anyway, it seems likely that the whole thing will give me a headache. It will be worth it to finally have my number-ten incisor, or at least a weird metal post sticking out of a mass of traumatized gum tissue and pulp. We’ll be back tomorrow, possibly complaining.