You know what the best part about contemporary relativism is? Not being a dick anymore, but continuing to privately regard all other cultures as hilarious. For example, I recognize that Judaism is a beautiful tradition responsible for much of what I consider best within us and many of the best among us. But the hats! It’s almost as ridiculous as the Juggalos with their Faygo, or the way World of Warcraft players consider “umadbro” a riposte to any criticism, or like how Jeb Bush thought it was okay to steal. The particulars of a culture seem totally necessary and standard to the people inside it, and so logic dictates* that every other cultural behavior is arbitrary and weird. Restraining the tendency to act on this sensation among the general populace is the great achievement of cosmopolitanism. Recognizing that pretty much everything constitutes a culture is the achievement of postmodernism. But it’s Friday; achievement is behind us, and so I invite you to indulge with me in the achievement of the chimpanzee, by braying loudly at everything but what we’ve got going right here.