Donald Trump withdraws from Republican debate

Donald Trump is not politically correct, so he can't believe how gay you are.

Donald Trump, who is not politically correct, suspects that you are gay.

Donald Trump’s campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, has confirmed that the wealthy meringue will boycott tomorrow night’s Republican debate in Des Moines. “He’s definitely not participating in the Fox News debate,” Lewandowski told the Washington Post. “His word is his bond.” Trump cited two reasons for his refusal. The first was that he felt he had been treated badly at the first Fox News debate by moderator and intelligent resonating crystal Megyn Kelly. The second was that someone else was making money on the deal. I quote WaPo:

“Why should the networks continue to get rich on the debates?” Trump told reporters at a news conference in Marshalltown. “Why do I have to make Fox rich?”

Just to clarify, debates among presidential candidates are not original reality programming from Fox News. Certain theories of democracy view them as a service to voters. But whoever he thinks his clients are, Trump has pulled Maneuver X.

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Writing tip for Erick Erickson: Put the funny part last

Erick Erickson struggles under the weight of previous Erick Ericksons.

Erick Erickson struggles under the weight of previous Erick Ericksons.

After Donald Trump suggested that crystalline superbeing Mygyn Kylly questioned him aggressively at the debate because she was on her period, Erick Erickson disinvited him from the annual RedState Gathering. Explaining his decision, Erickson wrote:

[Trump] is not a professional politician and is known for being a blunt talker. He connects with so much of the anger in the Republican base and is not afraid to be outspoken on a lot of issues. But there are even lines blunt talkers and unprofessional politicians should not cross. Decency is one of those lines.

In response to his call for decency, Erickson got approximately one million internet articles reminding us of the time he tweeted this:

I know nothing of Justice Souter’s relations with goats and will not judge Erickson for his decency. His tweet did, however, violate an important rule of discourse: put the funny part last.

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Knowing what we know now, I should have smoke-bombed Megyn Kelly and disappeared

Jeb Bush

Today’s Combat! blog is written by guest contributor Jeb Bush.

As a person who might consider someday becoming a candidate for president, I knew the media would try to trip me up with “gotcha” questions. But I also knew that the American people—and, to a lesser extent, immigrants—deserve to learn about their potential candidates’ views. And we all know they can’t get enough Bush. My dad was president, and my brother was president twice. Who knows but I might be elected president three or four times? I mean if I decide to run. Anywho, the other thing my dad and brother both did was start wars with Iraq, which was great. Still, knowing what we know now, when Megyn Kelly asked me if I would have invaded Iraq, I should have dropped a smoke bomb, ninja-twisted her neck and disappeared.

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Friday links! Doing it wrong edition


I’m no internetrician, but I think Megyn Kelly’s declaration that both Jesus and Santa are white was our most quickly-disseminated viral video yet. She said it Wednesday night, and I saw it on Facebook before noon. Maybe it’s because it was seasonal and Megyn Kelly is pretty, as marketeers would have you believe. Or maybe it’s because in this moment, Fox wildly underestimated the sophistication of its audience. “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and he’s white” is a claim too simultaneously petty and absurd for anyone to swallow. Also, Jesus was a Mediterranean Jew, but whatever—the point is that our massive architectures of social and political control are surprisingly bad at controlling us. Today is Friday, and the most powerful people on Earth are doing it wrong. Won’t you revel in their incompetence with me?

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Friday links! Multimedia edition

At the risk of using my blog to tell people about other people who looked at my work, thereby causing the entire narcissism manifold to collapse upon itself, our stupid zombie video has more than a quarter million views since Monday. That officially makes it the most popular thing I have ever written.* It also makes me think this internet video thing might be catching on. As a producer and consumer of web bullshit, I tend inordinately toward text for one simple reason: working in a medium that 98% of the population considers important only to schoolchildren obviates the question of whether you’re doing a good job. You can write anything after the first 200 words, because by then the only people reading are those who identify with the act of reading itself and therefore like whatever. It’s like dating a drama girl. Anywhom, this week’s link roundup is chock full of videos, self-portraits, candid recordings and other proof that words are lame. It also contains the word “faggot” like fifty times. It’s Friday!

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