Meanwhile, inside Michele Bachmann’s head

By Dan Brooks in inside Michele Bachmann's head 2 Comments

Representative Bachmann (R-MN) waits for someone to feed her a cricket.

It’s been a long time since we’ve used our oscilloscopes to peer inside the extradimensional manifold known as Michele Bachmann’s head. Frankly, that place weirds us out. Since Representative Bachmann went from being a person who stood no chance of becoming president to being a person whom no other people thought stood a chance of et cetera, we’ve welcomed the respite from her mouth-sounds. Unfortunately, it was only the eye of the storm. On Friday, while the Combat! interns were distracted by Japandroids, Bachmann came roaring back to demand that national security agencies investigate infiltration of the Muslim Brotherhood into the US government. Strap on your fallacy masks; we’re going inside.

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McCain connects AZ wildfires to illegal immigrants

By Dan Brooks in Just Sayin' Stuff 1 Comment

Photoshop is the lowest form of wit.

Arizona senator and former Republican presidential candidate John McCain—who, incidentally, doesn’t have any particular plans for 2012—remarked Saturday that a portion of the Arizona wildfires were started by immigrants. “There is substantial evidence that some of these fires have been caused by people who have crossed our border illegally,” McCain said at a press conference. “The answer to that part of the problem is to get a secure border.” As of press time, McCain has not provided said evidence to the public, nor has he described what its substance may be. But the important thing is that we used to start our own fires in this country, and being an arsonist/bolt of lightning used to mean something, but now—thanks to immigrants—decent, hard-working Americans have to sit home taskless, drinking their wives’ unsold beer and staring at their oddly deathless boobs. No word yet from McCain on who’s been poisoning wells.

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