Combat! - Page 296 of 406 - A blog by Dan Brooks

Wonderful online product reviews: suspenders

By Dan Brooks in Wonderful Online Product Reviews October 20, 2011 7 Comments

Don't do this to your waitress. We have Google Maps reviews now.

Behold the Terry Casual Elastic Suspender, a product that you can purchase via Amazon and have shipped to your home, thus allowing you a consumer experience basically unprecedented in human history. Thanks to the internet, we can own things that we have never seen. It’s great for people like me who find shopping a scary, alienating experience, but it introduces problems you don’t get with conventional retail. For example: what are these suspenders like? I know from the picture that they can be easily arranged in the shape of a traffic-sign man, but otherwise I have little understanding of their qualities. Fortunately, I have this five-star buyer review to guide me:

BEST FASTENER, SEWN INTERSECTION: I tried out 3 types of suspenders, and this model had the most reliable fastener clips, meaning they slipped off my waistband least often. Also, I liked the unfancy intersection of the 2 straps, which were sewn together simply. Other types I tried had either a clip that can slip, or a bit of gratuitous leather there.

I, too, like an unfancy intersection. And those fasteners sound great—especially if you don’t read any of the reviews that follow.

Watch Mitt Romney rewarded for getting angry

By Dan Brooks in Uncategorized October 19, 2011 4 Comments

Don't let him touch you. Have you not seen The Golden Child?

If you break into Mitt Romney’s house and he catches you, you’re probably still okay until he starts laughing. Once he starts laughing, don’t turn your back to him, because it means he’s about to brain you with a bookend. The bookend depicts a child feeding a horse, but that’s not important right now. What is important is that Romney got into a spat with fellow lifelike simulacrum Rick Perry last night, and by all accounts it was great for him. He passed through the first few Romney responses to conflict—smiling, nonplussed smiling, chagrined smiling—and then he introduced an entirely new stage: indignant chuckling. Then he scolded the hell out of Rick Perry, and everyone cheered. Romney was visibly pleased, like the moment when your stepfather first tells you you’re pretty. Video after the jump and an advertisement for exploding vodka.

Wall Street still occupied

By Dan Brooks in Class Warfare October 18, 2011 10 Comments

If the gap between rich and poor seemed like it was widening a bit more slowly this morning, it was probably because Occupy Wall Street is still going on. Exactly how it goes on remains a matter of conjecture, although certain non-televised journalists are beginning to pierce the veil. Michael Greenberg’s longish tour of Zuccotti Park in the New York Review of Books provides us with a slightly less vague picture of the movement than what we’ve gotten so far, including their use of “the people’s microphone.” Because city ordinances prohibit the use of amplification devices, public speakers at the OWS demonstration have their words repeated by the crowd. It’s a big ol’ objective correlative for a protest that has coalesced out of Twitter, Anonymous and maybe a few emails from the insufferable Adbusters, and now has to grapple with the problem of propagating a message when no one has been designated to speak first.

Santorum says single mothers are “base” of Democratic Party

By Dan Brooks in Close Reading October 17, 2011 4 Comments

This picture of Rick Santorum comes courtesy of Raw Story. When all other indicators of journalistic neutrality are erased, photo selection will tell us what we need to know.

Speaking last week on something called Today’s Issues, Rick Santorum told Tony Perkins—yup—that single mothers are the base of the Democratic Party. “Look at the political base of the Democratic Party: it is single mothers who run a household,” Santorum said. “Why? Because it’s so tough economically that they look to the government for help, and therefore they’re going to vote. So if you want to reduce the Democratic advantage, what you want to do is build two parent families, you eliminate that desire for government.” First of all, please note that an earlier version of the Right Wing Watch article transcribed Santorum’s remark as “reduce the Democratic appendage,” which was incorrect. Second, if Rick Santorum isn’t careful, his opportunistic political calculations might coincide with human compassion. Video after the jump.

Friday links! Radically different worldviews edition

By Dan Brooks in Friday Links October 14, 2011 6 Comments

Margie Phelps makes the most of her only life before sliding into oblivion.

One decreasingly fashionable view of colonial history holds that the American Revolution succeeded in part because of ideological consensus—the remarkable tendency of Americans to hold the same basic views on the same foundational ideas. We’re all pretty much committed to the idea of equality before the law, for example. If you explained that concept to a dude in 18th-century Korea, he would A) become obsessed with your cell phone and B) laugh at the notion that every person in a society should obey the same laws. From outside our particular historic paradigm, Americans’ general agreement is mind-blowing. Yet, at this very moment, Rick Santorum is running a campaign based on the idea that this county’s biggest problem is gay dudes. He will never be President, but hundreds of thousands of people agree with him. Get a few conclusions removed from basic principles, and the nutso worldviews of your fellow Americans are breathtaking. It’s Friday, and people across the country can’t wait to recharge by watching some Ghost Whisperer and going to church. Won’t you marvel at their fantastic perspectives with me?