DO NOT VOTE FOR TACOS.
What are you doing on the internet? Stop reading this immediately and go vote—unless you are reading this while waiting in line to vote, in which case, okay, I guess. It’s really important that you vote. Today is basically a free roll on something very bad happening to America, and even though it’s not thrilling to cast your ballot for more of the same, it’s crucial that you do so. This decision needs more input from people who can read. I voted by mail two weeks ago, so I’ve got the whole day to bite my nails. I’m just kidding. I never bite my nails, so any snapping or grinding noise you hear coming from my mouth is purely tooth-on-tooth. We’ll be back tomorrow to talk about the results or declare our unwavering loyalty to whatever brown-shirted citizen police force emerges to patrol the United States, depending on which way it goes. Vote!
