I tuned into the sixth Republican debate hoping to watch a spider fight a banana slug, and I was not disappointed. But I was also scared. Back in June, when Trump had yet to enter the race and governors dominated our nominating predictions, Jeb! Bush seemed like the saddest thing that could happen to the GOP. Now his warlike nepotism looks quaint. Ben Carson ventured into the realm of speculative fiction last night with his vision of a simultaneous cyberattack and electromagnetic pulse, but Trump and Cruz articulated the real doomsday scenario. Today is Friday, and the Republican nomination has become a contest between a billionaire too dumb to see the truth and a sociopath too smart to speak it. Won’t you choose the lesser evil with me?
Bad news for things that will inevitably happen anyway: Bernie Sanders is beating Hillary Clinton among primary voters in New Hampshire, according to a Boston Herald poll. Sanders led Clinton 44% to 37% last week, in a poll that had her leading him 44% to 8% back in March. If these trends continue, Sanders will roar into the November general with 119% of the vote. Then a 25 year-old will hijack his victory speech to promote her hashtag. But that’s all fancy, of course. Clinton is going to be the Democratic nominee, and any criticism of her—to say nothing of support for Sanders or, please God, Joe Biden—is tantamount to voting Republican. You don’t want Scott Walker to be president, do you? Clinton 2016: Don’t Fuck This Up, America.