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Friday links! Class warfare edition

By Dan Brooks in Uncategorized February 10, 2012 4 Comments

Joey Hudy, 14, blows the President's mind with his marshmallow cannon.

First of all, there is no scientific evidence that standing next to a marshmallow cannon will retard the onset of puberty, although we have seen strong correlation in the opposite direction. Second, no matter what Barack Obama has been doing the last three years—and keep in mind that he has personally ordered the assassinations of several people—he can still manage that look of innocent wonder. I am a sucker for POTUS. Probably he is not more than a hair’s breadth away from the venal plutocrats he spends his day opposing; possibly, he is one such plutocrat himself. But he feels more relatable to me than Bush, and less likely to try to get my mom drunk than Clinton, and much less like a heartless symbol of unrelenting money power than Reagan. Remember how bad things were for poor people under Reagan? That was thirty years ago, and they’re much worse now. It’s called a class war, and the marshmallow cannons are in trouble.

Thursday corporatocracy watch: orange

By Dan Brooks in corporatocracy February 9, 2012 2 Comments

Foster Friess, unfortunately likable gajillionaire Santorum donor

When I checked the corporatocracy meter this morning, it was damn near red. It turns out that the Rick Santorum victories in Minnesota, Colorado and Missouri that came out of nowhere Tuesday night actually came from Foster Friess, a Tea Party supporter and mutual fund investor. Props to Mose for the link. When the Santorum campaign could not afford to purchase advertising, Friess’s donation to the Red, White and Blue Super PAC paid for a monster radio and television blitz in Minnesota. On Monday, meanwhile, President Obama announced that he would begin accepting the aid of super PACs, apparently reversing his position on entities he called a threat to our democracy. For a while there, it looked like the whole corporatocracy meter/valve/pump assembly was going to blow, but then the House banned insider trading by members of Congress. So we’re back to just running at maximum pressure.

Yes.

By Dan Brooks in Republican Candidates February 8, 2012 3 Comments

Pictures into which dicks must be Photoshopped immediately

Last night brought shining victory to the even more conservative alternative to the conservative alternative to Mitt Romney: Rick Santorum has won Minnesota, Colorado and Missouri. That last one doesn’t really count, since it was a non-binding primary that does not award delegates for the national convention. The first two can be dismissed, too, because those states are evidently full of people who think Rick Santorum should be president. But the altar/alter boy cannot be stopped, and he vowed to take his campaign all the way to this summer’s convention in Tampa and, eventually, make it illegal for women to wear pants.

Is this the perfect AP story?

By Dan Brooks in Close Reading February 7, 2012 2 Comments

Paula the penguin—kids! Can you circle the page affair in this photo?

As readers of The Onion know, AP is a peculiar style. Its combination of affected objectivity and years of layered convention make it the prose equivalent of a straight man, with the banana man being world events. The solemnity of AP style makes kind of funny occurrences very funny, like when a nun throws up. My brother sent me this AP article, headlined “Newport Aquarium Penguin Poops on Ky. Senate Floor,” with the speculation that it may include the best lead ever written. To wit:

A penguin named Paula had some business to bring to the Kentucky Senate floor on Tuesday.

Boom! But I think the perfection of this AP story extends beyond its perfect lead.

Board to investigate Nobel Peace Prize

By Dan Brooks in Public Discourse February 6, 2012 2 Comments

*cough* blowjob!

Fredrik Heffermehl, a Norwegian activist who has long criticized laureates of the Nobel Peace Prize, has finally convinced someone to investigate how the committee determines its awards. Props to Pete for the link. In an awesome instance of how location still matters in geopolitics, it turns out that the Nobel is supervised by the Stockholm County Administrative Board. Should the SCAB decide that the Peace Prize committee has not carried out the will of Alfred J. Nobel, it will have the legal power to invalidate awards going back three years. Probably that isn’t going to happen. But remember when they gave it to the commander-in-chief of two wars who subsequently used robot planes to incinerate various foreign nationals? It’s possible the Peace Prize has seen some mission creep.